It's been a while since I have done a good 'ol "Permission to..." blog and I have gained a few (ok 2) readers since then so if you don't know the drill, here are a few old ones...catch up.

Permission to...
Permission to...
Permission to...

Permission to think MOST people are crappy at making Powerpoints
I was grading my ASU papers last night and I kid you not, there was about 5 paragraphs of text on one slide.  I don't understand!

A Powerpoint Presentation is a visual GUIDE for an actual presentation but so many people are BAD at making them.

It is not meant to contain lots of full sentences.
It is not meant to have flowery language all over it, unless it's a quote.
It's meant to be important PIECES of the actual presentation you're doing.


Ahhh, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted.

Also, while I was looking I found Learning to Design Powerpoints Like a Badass.  Very informative.  Highly recommended by Katie Cartier.

And while I'm here an iMovie or slideshow should NEVER be longer than 8 minutes and that's pushing it.  I don't care how important that person is/was...more than 8 minutes is TOO long.

And that leads me to my next point...

Permission to think people need to talk faster...or have more content to what they're saying
I've said this before but apparently the entire world isn't keeping up with my blog because they're still doing it!  If you can't say it succinctly, you don't know it...so don't talk.  The first part is a quote.  I added the last part.  Obviously. Let's go faster please (picture me clapping my hands with each of those words).  I think we can all keep up.  Think about what you want to say.  Say it succinctly and please, for the love of God you doooooonnnnnnn'tttttt  neeeeeeeeeedddddddd tooooooooooo caaarrrrrrrrrrrryyyyy out every word.  What. The. !@#$.



Permission to think you need to take a test prior to being on Social Media...or composing anything
How, just how, are there still such glaring grammatical errors out there?  I mean don't get me wrong, I'm the Typo Queen but I think every single person over the age of 9 MUST know...
To-Going towards something
Too-An extra amount or meaning as well (Moving too fast, I ate too much dinner, Me too)
Two-a number


Their-belonging to another person
There-a location
They're-meaning, they are


Permission to remove my work e-mail from my phone
Yep, I'm doing it.  Starting next week, I'm deleting it for 3 weeks...or at least hiding it ;) Vacation time means NO WORK.  NONE.  Ok, Katie, do you hear me? None! (As I pick up my phone and reply to a work e-mail).  Now, the question is...do I make a commitment to completely unplug from technology or just work e-mail?



Permission to have my Christmas decorations set up like an obstacle course in my garage
If I post a picture of me at Urgent Care, it's because I tripped over all the %^&* in my garage. It's immature and low rent.  I hope I'll put it away by October.


Permission to be having a REALLY hard time deciding on my cheat meal
And when I say cheat meal, I mean cheat meal and dessert.  I have waited all week.  Do I just waste it on pizza.  I mean, I love me some pizza.  Sushi?  But more importantly, what's for dessert?  My friend suggested, knowing it's my favballs, "Tropical Sno?" I scoffed at her idea, "Ummmm, no.  I need something WAY more fatty like ice cream."


Permission to think my couch is a prime spot for clean laundry
Wash.
Dry.
Place on the couch and dig through the pile each day to find something to wear.
Grow the !@#$ up Katie!

That baby is about 1 month old

Those babies are about 2 months old

That baby's about 3 months old

That baby's about 2 months old

It's weird the things we remember about our parents.  What random things do you remember your parents saying to you?  Do you say the same random things to your kids? 

How's your eating right now?  Mine is ON POINTish.  During the week, I'm on it.  

There's a 2nd episode to the "Katie is so crappy at getting tattoos" story...

DO go to a Reputable Artist
I totally did that this time.  When I used to Crossfit (pause for a moment to remember what a BAMFette I used to be), there were about 6 of us who always went to the same class.  One of the guys told me his tattoos for a living.

LPIMH:  Oh, yeah.  I need a tattoo artist.  I'll call his shop.

I called his shop one day and said, "Hey can I get in to see him on Thursday." (It was Monday).  "Ummm," she replied with distain, "He's booked at least a year out and he only does big pieces (she actually used a tattoo term that meant big pieces but I don't remember it).

As it turns out, he's THE tattoo artist.  He's won, like, a bazillion awards and is amazing.

So, I booked for someone else in his shop because he only hires other high quality artists.

DO know exactly what you want BEFORE you scheduled a Tattoo
Real conversation between Tom and I:
Me-I think I figured out the tattoo I want.  It's super cute.  I saw it on Pintrest.
Him-Text it to me.
Me-(Send him this) with this text: I'm just not sure what words to get because I want it to say something.


Him-Hmmm, why don't you have them write, "I'm a Basic Bitch."

(Call Tom)

Me-What?!  No way.
Him-Katie, please google this right now: Dandelion with birds tattoo and if it gets less than 5 hits, I'll take it back.
Me-(Google it)  I don't want to talk to you anymore
Him-How many?  Tell me right now.  By the way, are you wearing your leggings and Ugg Boots and holding a Pumpkin Spice Latte while you're doing this?
Me-I hate you
Him-You better cancel that appointment until you're ready to get a real tattoo or I'm not going to be your brother anymore.

So, I sat at my kitchen table with a pen and wrote out all the things I love and wanted to include:
- The birds.  I just liked the way they looked.  I don't LOVE birds.
- The ocean.  My favorite place
- Love

I call the Tattoo Artist.  "So, I'm not going to get the dandelion."  "Oh my God.  Thank you," he exhales.  "Here's what I like, can you draw something?"  He was very excited to do that.  I mean, as excited as men with tattoos all over their face, neck and hands get.

DO Speak Up
Remember how I can't even say no to Tam at the nail salon?  Well, I shouldn't be able to get tattoos.
I don't know the end of this story but no you shouldn't. 

I liked what he drew if it was going in a sticker book or a bumper sticker but not for my body.

I didn't tell him.  I just let him put it on my body.  Then, when he placed it, I didn't like it.  It didn't follow the lines of my body.  As in, if it's near my shoulder, I want it to kind of follow the shape of the shoulder.  It didn't.  I still wasn't sure I wanted those words, even though I picked them out.  I didn't love the font.

I didn't say any of that.

I let him tattoo me anyway because I didn't want to make him mad or annoyed.
Is this post for real?  You LET someone stick a needle in you over and over and put something permanent on your body because you didn't want to offend him?  You're embarrassing. 

The work is beautiful.  He did a really nice job tattooing what he drew.

I'm not that good at taking pictures

7th attempt.  That's as good as it's going to get.

I'm 0 for 2.  So, seriously, does anyone want me to go with them to get their next tattoo?

Have you ever heard of that experiment with the kids and marshmallows?

I can't remember which behaviorist did it or how it went exactly but it has to do with kids and marshmallows.  I think they put marshmallows in front of kids and said, "You can have 3 marshmallows now or 10 later."  Then they left the room and watched what they did and years later looked at those same kids and the kids who ate the marshmallows right away had a tough time with delayed gratification.  Psychologists?  Studious Friends, am I on the right track?

I would have eaten the marshmallows right away.

I should probably read this book

When I was little my allowance would barely hit my hands before I spent it.  Meanwhile my friend, Sweet Little Lizzy (Lizzy was the nicest girl in the world...still is probably), would save hers until she had hundreds of dollars.

Sidenote: She wasn't ALWAYS perfect.  One night, when we were five, she was eating over at our house and my mom said, "Lizzy, go and call Tom down for dinner."  She yelled, "Tom, get your ASS down here for dinner!"  My parents died.  The world's most well behaved child just cussed in our house.  Come to think of it, it's probably because she had heard MY parents say it, not hers.  Forever the positive influence, those Cartiers.
Back to the story...Remember this was back when the going rate of the Tooth Fairy was fifty cents.  It always baffled me.  "What are you going to buy with that?" I'd ask her.  "I don't know," she's reply in her super sweet voice   LPIMH (yep, I even had them back then): I just don't get it.  Why is she saving it?  There is candy to be bought or dress up jewelry.  I just don't get it.

I have attempted the Dave Ramsey plan whose motto is, "Live like nobody else so you can live like nobody else," about fifty times (and when I say 'tried' I mean 'thought about doing').  I do really great when I wake up and am getting ready, until have to go to Starbucks.  Save money?  Like, forever?  And pay off all my debts?  Yeah, no.

I'm so immature

I still don't get it.  I honestly want to hurt the people who can just stick to eating healthy all the time like it's not a chore.  It's a chore.

Don't even tell me that you would RATHER eat an apple than a piece of cake.
PUNCH. You know why!

Don't tell me you LOVE vegetables and really could just "live on them."
PUNCH. You know why.

You know what I love?  Quesadillas and popsicles and brownies and cake.  In fact, I just want to live in a room full of sugar and quesadillas.  Oh but not you because you LOVE heathy food?
PUNCH.  You. Know. Why.

I have been eating heathy for four days and I'm not skinny yet.
Stupid, stupid delayed gratification can kiss it.  Where's my quesadilla?


Ok fine, I'll give it one more day.  Look at me, growing up before your very eyes.

Sometimes it feels like life is just shitting on you, doesn't it?  Haven't you written this blog before? I think I may have but it will be different because this includes current events.

Do you ever just want to grab God and shake him and be like, "Are you fucking kidding me?!"  Sidenote: My God and I have an understanding that I'm allowed to cuss when I get upset.  We're pretty tight.  He rolls his eyes when I do that, but he gets me so He's cool with it.  I'm sorry if it offends you.

Anyway, we get so wrapped up in our stuff that we are almost drowning in it.  I think sometimes we have to be reminded that, while life is tough, and we all have our shit, it's not that bad.

So, I'm here to remind you (and me) that it's not that bad.


I just read a story on my 3TV News App that was so vile and disgusting that I almost don't want to mention it.  Have you read the book, A Child Called It?  I read it over 15 years ago and it still haunts me.  Well it was basically a version of that book. Adults hurting kids.   Ugh, it makes my stomach turn.   I honestly feel like there is NOTHING worse in the world and this is when the ultra-conservative part of my liberalness comes out.  Death penalty, all the freaking way, for that couple on the news.  I don't even want one cent of my tax dollars to buy them so much as a sandwich in prison.  
Where was I going with this story?  Oh yeah...I read stories like that and I remember that my life is not that bad.  Our lives (when I say "our" I'm referring to my collective group of BBRs (best blog readers...bah ha ha, I'm hilar) are not that bad.

Then I read about the woman who was floating, in a home, with her 2 children in the floods.  She called her sister and said, "I love you.  Call Mom and Dad and pray."  She hasn't been found yet.  Yeah, life isn't that bad and God be with her family.

Every day I see homeless people on the side of the road and I will admit that if I don't have any extra food in my car, which is often, I look the other way.  I don't want to give them money because I assume it's for drugs or alcohol but looking into their eyes is just too painful so I ignore it and I remember that life isn't that bad and I kick myself for not getting those baggies of food a water bottle and some baby wipes ready yet.

There are people I love who are full-fledged drug addicts and I know they wish to be clean.  They have tried over and over again but they just can't seem to kick the life-sucking habit.  I can't imagine being that addicted to something.  Life isn't that bad. 

And on a funnier note, I bet your day is better than these people's days.  Sidenote: Buzzfeed has some of the awesomest thing in life.  Things Could be Worse

In fact, life is good.  

I have a roof over my head.

I have a job that is secure and even when it drives me nuts I freakin love it.

My cupboards are full of food.

I'm super healthy, health wise.  Yeah, we get it but thanks for the clarification. 

I mopped my floors so I don't feel like I have to sell my house anymore (sometimes when my house is messy I feel like it's so ugly and I should sell it but as it turns out, I should just clean it)

I have a family who would, literally, give me the shirt off their back if I needed it even when I really piss them off or vice versa.

I have friends who have been and will be in my life forever.  For-e-va

My Scout loves me no matter what kind of mood I'm in at any given time.

What about you?  What makes your life not that bad?  What makes life good?



PS.  Because I tend to write a lot more often in the summer, I'm thinking of starting this challenge for myself so I can remember to be grateful.

I'm almost afraid to write what I'm doing because when I'm doing well, lately, I seem to have a tendency to write about it/talk about and !@#$ it up 38 seconds later.

But...far be it for me to deny you of my astute wisdom.
Dead on Katie.

Before we start, play this song right now.  You're welcome.  I need you to tell me you love this song. I need you to love it.  Do you love it?



This one too.

If you say nothing else, you have to love these songs...and tell me you love them.  Both of them.


Here's what's working...
1.  Hydroflask
I have officially bonded with my new pink water bottle.  Love, love, love.  The biggest thing that's helping is that I'm making sure that every time I get in the car, it's full because I seem to drink a ton of water in the car.  So, if I can finish a whole bottle by the time I get finished driving, I figure that's a good thing.


Glug, glug, glug.

Drink up!

2. Food Rules by Michael Pollan
I was doing some late night Amazon shopping.  Do you do that? Oh em gee, I do TOO MUCH late night Amazoning.  Sometimes I can't even remember what I bought.  I curse Amazon for making is so easy!

Anyway, this was a good purchase and I'm glad I own it.  This book is not as much scientific as it is common sense.  He has 64 Rules and they are exactly what you would think "healthy eating" would be.


Rule 20:  It's not food if arrived though the window of your car.

Rule 8: Avoid food products that make health claims.
"For a product to carry a health claim on its package, it must first have a package, so right off the bat it's more likely to be process rather than a whole food."

I love this brilliant man.

Read up!

3.  100 Days of Real Food
You know I have said before that I do well with hard and fast rules.  I don't know why and it probably means that I...I don't know...unable to make my own decisions? I don't give a !@#$, I do better when I have hard and fast rules.


Someday, I'll be able to make choices by myself but I'm only 35.

Some of the "rules."
Don't eat any packaged, canned, or boxed food with more than 5 ingredients and none of them can be sugar in any form.

Robot Katie goes to the store, picks up the can and counts: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...I need to put this down," and then I put it down.

Of to the produce section and picks up a pepper, "1, ok I will buy this."

I don't know why but if you told me to log all my calories into the easiest system on the planet, My Fitness Pal.  I mean, for God Sakes, it remembers your meals FOR YOU but I can't seem to manage.  I just kept eating !@#$.
 




Count to 5?  I can handle that.

Count up...that's not advice because I am certain other people do it better but this is working for me right now.

Things I know for sure:
My body HATES processed food.  HATES IT.  I'm sure other people don't have such severe reactions to it but it's painful when I eat.

I started eating "real food" again and my body is so happy.


Ok, blog done.  I'm off to eat some Dairy Queen.  JK, JK Friends.  Phew, that was almost a close call.
Katie, you are so lameballs.
Awe, thanks for using lameballs!
We don't use that word, you do...and it's still absurd.  You're 35.  Grow the eff up.  
Lameballs!
Do you every start to feel a little crazy when you have entire conversations as us?
A little bit, lil bit.

Have a healthy, happy and full week all...mostly I'm talking to myself.  Have a healthy week Katie.  Don't !@#$ it up!