Do you every feel like people are judging you?


I do.  I feel like people judge me for a million reasons...

I'm not married.
Why isn't she married?  Does she want to be married?  Does she even like guys?   

I've gained/lost weight.
Why is this hard for her?  Why doesn't she just stay consistent?  

I don't have kids.
Is she just too selfish to want kids?  Does she want kids?  Maybe she just wouldn't make a good mom.

But do they, really, or is it just me judging myself?

And what is judgement anyway?  Personally, and I mean that because I am a self-admitted judgmental person, I think it's a sign of insecurity.


There's obviously something wrong with your life if you find the need to decide what is right or wrong for other people.

I was white.  Real white.

There was a Groupon, $27 for 3 spray tans.  I had only spray tanned one time so I decided to go for it because, well, this...


Let's just say, I got a little aggressive with the color.

"What color would you like?"
LPIMH:  Well, I want to be tan so the 2nd level looks good but let's go to the 3rd level for good measure.
"I'll take medium."

I did the whole routine in there-lotion so it didn't get everywhere, listened to the recording tell me when to turn and where to stand, choked on some chemically spray and viola, done.


"Thanks, see ya later!"

I did a lot of googling and it said to not shower for 12 hours for "maximum tan."
So I waited until the next day.

I woke up a different race.  As I got ready I wondered if anyone would notice.  LPIMH:  I'm sure it's not as drastic as it seems to me.

Literally, the SECOND I walked in to work my boss said, "You're really tan!"  Let me remind you that it rained all weekend long so there was no way I could pull off a "I laid out all weekend story."

At least 5 more people at my school said something.  I totally confessed each time.  Is it supposed to be a secret?  I told them I sprayed.  I was caught anyway.  They kept saying, "It doesn't look bad, just dark."  I think they were thinking, "It looks bad and way too dark."

At noon I left my campus for a meeting where I was immediately greeted with, "Wow, Katie, you're tan.  Have you been outside?"  At the time I was sitting with a guy I don't know super well and, Josh, a guy I do know super well.  I told the guy I didn't know that, yes, I had been outside.

Fast forward to after the meeting.  I missed a call from Josh.

I called him later,
"So...where have you been laying in tanning beds?"
"What?  I haven't.  Why?"
"Because that's not the color of your skin and I just saw you last week."

I was going for this

I looked more like this

Awesome.  Lesson learned: I can't handle spray tanning.

I signed up for Orange Theory Fitness about $300 ago.  I haven't blogged about it because, well, because it wasn't really pumping me up at first.  I feel like after Crossfitting everything else is just "working out."  It pushed me to my absolute limits, made me so excited and scared all at once.


So, OTF wasn't really making me super excited, no.  However, I kept going.  I started getting to know the trainers.  The front desk said, "Hi Katie," when I walked in and I started buying in to this "new thing."  I got pretty tied to my heart rate monitor ensure to stay mostly green, with some orange and red mixed in there.  I actually starting looking forward to the treadmill.


Then I joined the weight loss challenge (I'm beginning to feel like I live my life in a weight loss challenge and each time I am more inclined to step on the feet of everyone I know who is "naturally thin.").  So far I've lost a total of 0.7 lbs.  <--I apologize, I feel like sometimes all I do is brag on here.

ONE. TINY. VERY. TINY. STEP. AT. A. TIME.


Today I took another step-I ran for the entire 17 minutes and 51 seconds on the treadmill.  In case this is the first time you've ever read my blog (I still hold out hope for my blog full of typos to become famous one day), I'm not a runner.

However, Orange Theory Fitness is making me a runner, one very baby step at a time.  Next goal, a 2nd 5k-running the whole thing.
Did you move today?  I'm nobody to give advice but we can do it together.  Baby steps are still steps.