I went to Crossfit, again, today. That might be all I can type because that's how tired I am...

Another rediculious experience, but not as embarrassing as I thought it would be.

When I walked in, I wondered if I should mention to them that I vacuumed my house this morning and I counted it as part of my work-out. I went ahead and kept it to myself, but I know I burned at least 36 calories this morning already so, REALLY, I should only do 1/2 the work-out.

So, this time they made us practice doing ________ (umm, I can't remember the name of what they wanted us to do but it involved bouncing a giant bar off our chest...and last I checked big metal bars aren't meant to bounce).

Anyway, again, the real Crossfitters went to one side of the room and the rest of us practiced with PVC pipes. I tried to pay attention to them teaching me but all I could think was, "There are 2 GIANT weights on that bar over there and that chick keeps lifting it like it's nothing...I wonder if she LIVES in this gym."

Sidenote: If I'm just thinking and not speaking, do I use quotation marks? Perhaps I should know that since I teach writing. Is this confession making you nervous for the futures of our youth?!

Fast forward to our Workout of the Day (WOD).
200 yard (or was it meter) run.
10 box jumps
10 burpees (to be defined later)
10 chest presses
10 sit-ups
10 air squats

Do all of that 5 times.

I literally looked back at the white board at least 12 times, just to see if someone had written, "Ha ha. We were kidding. We know that's an impossible WOD."

Ok, 3-2-1-Go. I'm in the first group and I start jogging (a slow jog) and everyone else started running. I'm almost back (everyone else is already back) and I'm watching all these shirtless men with six-packs run past me thinking, "This really is awesome. I'm fuckin' PANTING after 1 jog. Awesome that I wore a white shirt that doesn't hide anything. Would they notice if I slipped into the restroom and just pinched my cheeks so it looks like I worked out with everyone else?"

Next, box jumps. The "prescribed jump" was on a box that's 3 feet high. Jump with both feet at once and do it 10 times. Hmmm, since that would be me jumping well over 1/2 of my height, I don't think I'm there. How about the 1 foot high one? How about the curb? I did my on a CURB. How embarrassing. I think I was the only one who had to do them on the curb.


So, after I'm seriously tasting my own lungs I had to do the WORST exercise of all. Burpees. Let me just tell you, I was actually laughing to myself at how rediculious I looked doing these. One of the owners showed us how to do them before we started. He jumps from a standing position into a push-up position, pops back up to his feet, does a little jump and claps. Meanwhile I'm staring at his abs, his VERY defined abs, as he jumps up and his shirt jumps up with it. AND meanwhile I'm thinking, if my shirt "jumps" up while I'm doing these, I'll kill myself. So, needless to say these were the hardest things in life. Imagine hardly being able to breath and doing this jump/push-up/insanity combo 10 times...no not 10 times, 10 x 5 times which for you non-mathematicians is 50 freaking burpees.




Chest presses next...I run over and grab the bar...it was the men's 45 lb bar instead of the women's 33 lb. I do 4 and a girl gets off one of the women's bars. I almost knock people over trying to get to the bar that weighs less. PS. I only did the bar on the first set, then I went to the weight-less PVC pipe. Again, I think I was the only one. Again, embarrassing. As I'm doing this my friend from college is standing there, coaching us along, and I feel like I can hear him thinking, "Is she serious with the plastic pipe? What happened to my friend who used to be tough...and weigh 1 million lbs less."

10 Sit-Ups.
I have never been so excited to do sit-ups in my entire life. I actually got to SIT down.

10 squats. Done.

So, I did the first set of all of it. I did the 2nd set. On the 3rd set, I think I may have been counting each thing I did as 2 so I'm pretty sure I only did 1/2 of them. As my knees were giving out, my head was on fire, and my actual lungs were in pain, I start the 4th run and then I walk and then out of nowhere this angel of a girl who doesn't know me says, "Come on you can do it."

PS. I heart how nice the girls at Crossfit are. Girls I know you know how bitchy girls can be to other girls. When I first starting working at this restraunt in Flagstaff the girls were such bitches to me every night, I'd go home practically crying. But, PS, I college I was hotter than they were AND nicer. So, suck it mean girls from college.

These hot CF girls are so nice and friendly. So, either, they don't see me as any type of threat OR they are just real, live nice people. Either way, thank you random girl for telling me I could do it.

So, that's my story. I think I stopped after the 4th run. I did my best and next time I hope I'll finish. I'm going back on Tuesday for my first Elements class, so I can become a real live Crossfit 480er. Someday I hope to be cheering on some sad and pathetic girl while I rock that run. This shall be my new motto: