I periodically read this blog, Today's Letters.  Some of you know and think it's way too sappy for your tastes but I enjoy living through their world, where life is good and easy and happy.  I haven't written yet because I didn't want to copy it, verbatim but I just can't think of anything better.  I love the title, "Gratitude Lately," which indicates we can have gratitude anytime-all the time for the biggest, littlest and in betweenest things.

So...until I can be better or famous, I'll steal.

For great shows, about real families (and all the realness that comes with families)

For big hugs from little kids

For wine after work




For friends who give it to you straight even when you don't want to hear it


For Facetime calls with my stand in mom who has never tried to replace my mom but jumped right in without a second thought to fully support my brother and me

For random text messages with our favorite movie quotes


For furry friends who cuddle hard


For good reminders that we're all doing our best


Gratitude...which turns everything into enough.  What are you grateful for today?

This is an Emu

Well, do they?

I know one princess who wears hiking boots.  Fire and ice, piss and vinegar, sugar and spice...and everything wonderful, my niece, Ms. Liliana Cartier...but to me, she's just Daisy Goose.

I have met a lot of kids in my life but, never, have I met a girl with a greater mix of characteristics.  She's a complete dichotomy...with the best mixed personality traits in the world.

Meticulously Clean
While we were in the Antigua airport she got a baby wipe and wiped down every surface of the airport.  Tops of tables, all the chairs, and when she tried to do under the table Mom stopped her.  "Why don't you do the windows instead Lily.  Here I'll give you another baby wipe," and Lily promptly takes it and climbs her Aunt like a jungle gym to get the middle of the window.


Disgusting
If you ask Lily about her favorite things she will tell you...
Eyeballs
Fake poop
She steals my phone and makes videos of herself pretending to throw up

What a strange Bird!

Willing to Speak her Mind
We are all walking to the beach one day and she very firmly says, "Mom!  Aunt Katie keeps calling me Daisy Goose and I don't like that and I told her to stop and she won't!"  Aunt Katie, who is one foot away from her says, "Lily, I call you that because I love you and that's my nickname for you."
"Well I don't like it!" she exclaims all but stomping her foot.

Sidenote: We had a private conversation later and made an agreement that I could call her Daisy Goose in her birthday books and "only a few times in a whisper."


Another day we were playing dolls and we finished up and I went down the hall, or at least I thought we were finished.  She walks up, hands on her hips, "Aunt Katie. I'm upset! And you know who I'm upset with?  You!"
"You are?" I reply chuckling to myself, "Why?"
"Because.  Dad pways babies WAY longer than YOU"
"I mean, how you do you know that?  You can't tell time."
"I know.  All we did was drive in the car with them and that's it!"
"Well, actually, we brushed all their hair and got them dressed, we loaded each one in the car and all their food and toys, we fed them, we got to the camp site, we put band-aids on them, and then we got out of the car and we took a nap.  I feel like the babies did a lot and I played for a long time."
"Well you didn't.  Dad does more than that."

I scoop that girl up...Oh, that strong willed little girl certainly has my heart.

Girly Girl
She LOVES to have her nails painted and wear dresses.  One day, a random Tuesday, Danielle said she could wear a dress but not a fancy one.  She comes out in a beautiful, VERY fancy, flower girl dress.
"Mom, I got one." "
Lily, I thought we said not too fancy?"
"This isn't fancy.  I have to wear it." she says as she puts on her medal, her beads, and her purse.


No Emotion
I'm having a conversation with Danielle and her sister.  "Yeah, Lily, never shows emotion when she is happy or thankful for something."  I am floored.  What?  What do you mean?  I have never noticed it.  Danielle says, "Oh, she totally doesn't.  Watch her."

The next day I took her to get new earrings.  She went back and forth about whether to match mom's color or get pink.  She finally decided on pink and we got them in her ears.  No thank you from Lily.  Now, if you've ever been around my sister-in-law with her kids, you know that they are expected to say thank you almost before they receive the item.  Say it, write it, call, Facetime.  They ALWAYS say thank you and if they happen to forget, all their mother has to say is, "Excuse me?"  (Hashtag: best mom ever) and they abruptly come back with a huge thank you and hug for whatever they received.

So, back to Lily's earrings.  I wondered if she liked her earrings.  I mean, we spent a lot of time in that store if she hated them.  I said, "Do you like your earring?"  Without looking at me she said a dismissive, "Yes."  I say, "What do you say?"  She quickly says, "Thank you," and we move on.  I honestly wondered if she just didn't like them but I was assured by her mother that she loved them.

No emotion.

I'm still baffled.

Obsessive Compulsive Four Year Old
We're at the water park and it's time to go.  The park is closing but we have to wait.  Lily is rearranging about 20 chairs, lining each one of them up and we can't go until she has done EACH one.

Danielle tells me that when Lily gets in trouble, the worst thing that can happen is Danielle taking away the things she puts in neat rows-her seashell collection, her dolls.

Lover of Life
You know those moments where you catch yourself thinking, "I hope I never forget this."  I watch her tiny body climb up on the bow of the boat amongst a backdrop of crystal blue water and yell as loud as she can, "ONEEEEEEE, TWOOOOO, FREEEEEEEE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX," and she jumps into the ocean with a giant smile!  Some kids always jump on three but Lily jumps on whatever number makes her happy.



I used to say, simply, Philip looks more like his dad but has the personality of his mom and Lily looks more like her mom but has the personality of her dad...but I don't think it's ever that simple.

These kids...my favorite children, are each, in their own way, the perfect combination of Tom and Danielle.  I'm such a broken record because I say it all the time but those two are raising kids that people LOVE to be around.

And to you, my favorite Daisy Goose (remember, we agreed that I could call you that sometimes).  It's never a wonder why people fall in love with those golden eyes, blond curls and giant personality. You're simply perfect...perfectly you.   You are going to change the world Liliana and I'm so excited that I get to watch you do it.

I love you bigger than the sky.

Before you read I have to tell you something...there are no pictures in this blog.  I have been looking for pictures for about 20 minutes and I can't find anything and I'm over it.  You've been warned.

My friend posted this article tonight and I loved it...
Unfair Advantage

If you don't click on it because your fingers are so heavy that you can't even lift them to click the link or because if you click the link, then you'll have to click the back button after you read it to get back to my blog and that's just too much work (Yeah, I know you ;) ), here's the synopsis...

We all have unfair advantages-things we are really good at that take minimal effort on our parts.  She goes on to say that sometimes it's difficult to spot our own unfair advantages.

I mean, maybe you DO know yours but it could make you sound like an arrogant a-hole so you don't say them?  Obviously, I'm totally ok with sounding like an arrogant a-hole so here is a list of mine. Bah, ha ha.  Nah, I won't give you a list but I do want you to think about yours (and I secretly want you to tell me mine because I am that full of myself...and admit it, you are too).

In case you were going to tell me that I'm unfairly advantaged at softball, I can tell you I'm NOT unfairly advantaged at softball...or soccer...or swimming...or any sport on the planet.  In fact, unfairly disadvantaged might be a more appropriate term.

So...I want to know your unfair advantage (I'm wondering how many times I can use the same phrase in 1 blog) and how you make it work for you and if you can't think of yours, I'll tell you what I think your unfair advantage (one more time...and two more after that) is.

Let's go a step further...
Unfair advantage at work.
Unfair advantage in life.  

Go.

If you come here for the laughs, you're at the right blog...wrong time.  It's taken me several months to write this blog because I was a little "too deep in it" for a while to even know what I wanted to say.  I'm still not sure I really know what I want to say.

Have you ever had a friend tell you that you were a toxic person in their life?
Have you ever had a "friendship break-up"?

I did with someone who has been in my life for 20 years.   Yep, 20 years of friendship, gone.

It wasn't my decision and I, honestly, didn't feel like I had any say in the situation when she told me she did not want me in her life anymore.  There were a lot more details that I don't feel like I should share but at the end of the day, with me, she didn't think I was good for her.

This didn't come out of an argument which is why I know, that's it.

When she thought of me and our friendship, she thought of bad things.
She thought of me as someone who didn't have her best interest at heart.
Someone who was constantly judging her to the point that she didn't feel comfortable being around me.


So...here I am, months later, and my head is still spinning with so many different emotions.

Sad
I'm still so sad.
I can't believe she thought this was necessary.
I'm sad that she doesn't remember all the millions of good times but she honestly believes most of our friendship has been bed.
I'm sad that this feels so final.
I'm sad that she's off living her life and I have no idea how she's doing.
I'm sad because at the end of the day, I would never doubt that she's a good egg and she didn't do this to hurt me...which I guess makes me even more sad.

What will I do without THAT best friend?

Hurt
How is all ok with her?
How does she not miss me so much that she just picks up the phone and calls me?

Pissed
Because are you kidding me?
How can you be so arrogant that you think I am a bad person?
You know what I think is the meanest thing you could possibly do to someone?  Ignore them.
How does she still remember and bring up things from high school?  Another friend once told me, "We can't be held responsible for the stupid !@#$ we did in high school.  Our frontal lobe wasn't completely developed!"

Confused
Am I really a bad friend?
Do my other friends feel that way?
I have always thought that I had intense, honest and amazing relationships with people but if she feels this way, do other people?
What brought her to this point?
Does she only remember bad things about other people?  Does she still bring up things that happened in high school with all of her friends?
This all feel so dramatic.
I guess we get angry to cover up the hurt because really I am so hurt.  No, I'm so pissed.  No, hurt.  Pissed.

Understanding
I get it.
We are adults and we get to choose who we want to be around.
By all means, if someone doesn't want to spend time with me, I don't think they should.
I appreciate that she came to me and told me and didn't just start ignoring me.


So...there it is.
Me.  My heart out there on paper.
I don't have a ton of intense blogs but this is definitely one of them.
Perhaps she'll read this and possibly get upset because most of our friends will start their detective work on Facebook and know exactly who I'm talking about.

But at the end of the day, everyone on the planet knows this is a good and kind person.  So...there's that.

I honestly want to know if anyone has been through something like this because it feels so foreign.
When did it get easier?
When did you "get over it"?

You Just Have to Go

That's the motto my friend always uses.

Last week I went to the gym 3 times!
Katie, I hope you're not looking for a !@#$ing medal for going to the gym 3 times in the past 6 months.  

I went to the gym 3 times last week!  Praise me!

So, this week starts in a few, too few, hours and I told my friend, "I'm not gonna go in the morning.  I'll just go after school."
And in her most endearing and kind gangster voice she says, "No you won't.  Pack your shit and make it happen tomorrow morning.  I expect a text at 6:15 after your workout."


So, I packed my bag.  I'm committed.  My food prep is done.  My outfit is ready.
I'm going to the stupid gym in the morning and I committed to the following this week:
- 4 workouts
- Drink my water
- Don't eat brownie mix...that may have happened along with my gym visits last week.  Hashtag: Don't tell my nutritionist.
Katie!!!  What is wrong with you?!?!  Still working hard to be kinda fat, I see.  
Yeah, save it.    JOURNEY to the healthiest version of me.

...But she will spill !@#$ all over it.  <----  That's the end of the story.  Let's start from the beginning, shall we?

LPIMH:  Hmm, what should I wear today?  This white shirt?  Katie, you know you have a tendency to spill.  Eh, I've been great with white clothes lately.  Maybe I'm growing up?
I put on a white shirt.

Fast forward to 2:00 pm

LPIMH:  I'm exhausted.  If I don't have some coffee, I'm not going to make it through my next meeting.
I make some coffee in our office.

3:05: I start walking out to after school duty and notice 3 LARGE and I mean very large coffee stains on my shirt.
LPIMH:  How did those get there?  How did I do that?!  Maybe nobody will notice.

3:20:  My officemate says, "Ummm, can we talk about your shirt?  What did you do Katie?"
LPIMH:  !@#$, she noticed.  Maybe just she will notice...but those spots are pretty big.

3:40: I'm driving to my district meeting.
LPIMH:  This is SO embarrassing.  I don't have a sweater to put on over this.  I don't have another shirt.  What am I going to do.  Hopefully nobody will notice.

3:45: I see some people I used to work with and walk over.  Immediately, one of them says, "Katie...your shirt?"
LPIMH:  Son of a !@#$%
"Yeah, I spilled.  You noticed huh?"
Another old friend says, "Good thing you said something first because I was about to say it."

Meeting goes on.

5:45:  I'm leaving and start chatting with three of the big wigs in the district.  We are having a conversation and I can feel them looking at my little big mishap on my top so I just mention it myself.
"Yeah, I'm awesome.  I did this and then I came to this meeting.  Katie Cartier is ever the professional, as usual."


As I left the meeting I realized I have an extra shirt in my car that would have matched perfectly.  Well done Kathryn.  Well done.

If you want me to hang out with you and embarrass you in the process, I'm there!  Hashtag: Haphazard strikes again.

You can read this as if I'm talking to you and I kinda am talking to my fellow Grinders but mostly I'm talking to me...
I give you the top 5 reasons to lose weight

And it's not very feminist friendly but then again, I never claimed to be a feminist.  Women should be barefoot and pregnant...and skinny!

5.  Because When Did Other People Get So Much Hotter? 
Going out to dinner with your oldest friends who have had MULTIPLE babies and STILL have bangin' (yeah, I said bangin') bodies kinda sends a message to you...and the message is PUT THE BROWNIE DOWN!



4.  For the Compliments
You look so smart.  You're so good at your job.  That's a nice outfit...ok that one is getting closer.  We don't give a !@#$.  You look hot.  You look skinny!  Ahh, the money compliment.

Yes, please.
3.  People Who Don't Know the Code
There are people online that don't know the code of posting photos and you're either not close enough with them to say, "Why the !@#$ do you hate me?" or have just settled into your fatness enough to realize that's what you look like.  Well, you don't have to!  Put the brownie down, Katie says as she plans the gallon of brownie batter she'll eat for her "cheat meal."





2.  Because You Ruined the Picture
The one that your sister was kind enough to take but would never post (Hashtag: best sister ever for never posting).  You know the one of you burying your niece in the sand and your fat ass turned what could have been a spectacular moment of cuteness into ____________________ (insert squishy fat sound here)?!  Yeah, get skinner for that photo.

Put that photo on your fridge and don't forget what you look like right now...and that right now is a great time to choose asparagus rather than brownie batter.

1.  Fat you is Less Hot Than Skinny You...and You Love Skinny You
Ok, there are a few people who look better fat but, unfortunately, I'm not one of them.  So, be skinny and hot or be fat and ugly.  You choose.


She's beautiful and social and fun and hot!  Be her!

This blog is brought to you by Shallow and Post 2 Glasses of Wine Katie.