To the dress?  
You're so predictable Blog Voices.  So predictable.
No, not to the dress.  In fact, I said no to the man who proposed to me.
Ummm, what? 
That's not what this blog is about.
Well, that's what we want to read about.
Anyway...


I said yes to my life, metaphorically speaking.


The other day I missed a call from my cousin while I was at work so I text her and got this back.

My initial thought: What?  This is the most incredible opportunity, but I can't go to the Caribbean in two weeks.

That's so soon.
I have to work.
I'll never be able to take a full week off work.
That would be insane.
Who would watch Scout?
There is no way.

This is totally a motto I live by (well, until I met Erica.  She always puts me to shame.  So does Dawn, but generally speaking, I work my ass off)

And then I started thinking...Katie, SAY YES.  How many times in your life are you offered an almost free trip to the Caribbean?  These are those opportunities that you DON'T pass up for work.

I love my job...more than most people I know.  It's way more than a job to me.  The people I work with are like family to me.  The work we do is critical to the lives of children and still...it's a job.  Remember when I wrote Don't Skip Dinner?  Well this is me...not skipping dinner.

I had to write a letter to the board.
My boss had to give me an official "Verbal Warning."
So far I've had to figure out a new plan for fifty things that are happening that week at work.
My pay will be docked for 3 of the 6 days I'm off.

But this is me...not skipping dinner and saying yes.  I leave for Grenada the day after my birthday.   Hashtag: Happy Birthday to me!



I'm packing a suitcase full of swimsuits, books, flip-flops...and not a single pair of heels.  I'm going to leave work behind and spend a week on Casa, ASS' (Aunt Super Suzanne...but you can call her ASS too, everyone does) catamaran.   We will fill our days with snorkling, swimming, picking fresh fruit from the trees and basking in the sun.  I said yes (and a big fat thank you to all parties concerned).
Say yes to your life.  Work will be there in the morning.


We like your blog but where did we land on that proposal story? 

There's a pile of clean laundry on my couch.  It's pretty big-5 loads worth.  I should do something with it.  I should.

How do you accumulate so much laundry Katie?  
You're embarrassing.  Fold your damn clothes.  

I can't.  I need to tell you about something...

I need to tell you about the Emotional Bank Account.  Do you know about it?

Yes, Katie, we ALL know about it because you freakin' talk about it all the time-my family and work friends
No, Katie, you're so wise, and we can't wait to read all about it-everyone else. 

It's from the book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Basically, we all have an EBA.  Perhaps you know it as your love tank?  Your bucket?

Anyway, the deal is that if you make a withdrawl (ie: negative comment, tough conversation, etc) you need to make lots of deposits (ie: kind words, acts of service) to "fill it up."


I need everyone to know about this EBA so that if I say, "That was a withdrawl," you'll know what I'm talking about.

Here's a funny story.
Katie, you can't tell us a story is funny before you tell it.

I work with a lady. She's kinda like our work mom...if your definition of mom is the lady who yells at you each day.  ;)  "I don't yell.  I'm Italian and Irish.  That's how we talk," she'd say.  I love this woman. If I'm not diligently working on my actual job, I'm sitting in her office shootin' the shit, where everyone sits.

Anyway, we have a tendency to talk a lot of shit to each other get in disagreements from time to time.  So, one day I talk her about the EBA and the next morning I said, "Too many withdrawls, too early." The day went on and she continue to rob my bank account so I said, "I need a deposit, right now.  You're overdrafted."  She picks up a brownie I made, took a bite and said, "Did you make these?"
I said, "Yes."  She said, "Well they're not that bad.  There.  There's your deposit.  Now, shut up."  <--- She didn't say shut up.  I added it to more the story more interesting.

Perhaps I should clarify what a deposit looks and sounds like ;)

My goal is to keep things in a pretty good balance with all the people in my world.  Sometimes it's a little harder than other times, especially with my closest friends because we are honest to a fault.

However, the other day I sent a group text to some of my best gals.  Now, these are the same people who will literally rip on my clothes for a hour and not bat an eyelash, "Katie do each pair of your shorts have a sewn in cuff."
"Those are the ones they sell!"
"Yep, they sell those right next to the ones without the sewn in cuff."
The other whore best friend pipes in with, "Yes, she wears them with a button down shirt, maybe one with three buttons at the top and her cardigan."

Anyway, have I painted a clear enough picture of what bitches how honest these girls are?

But when it counts, we are all in with the deposits.  Right there with the right words to pick me up, help dust me off and get back on the horse.

My heart hurts, today, for the people I know and the place I once worked, in Durango, who lost a dear friend and colleague.  I think of the heavy load they carry as their hearts are breaking.  I think of a small town who is rocked to it's core, but then I smile.

I smile because in that small town, people show up.  The community comes together to make meals, give hugs, cry with, and hold each other up.  I begin to wonder, who do I show up for?  We all have people we do that for.  And we all have people who do it for us, those people who show up when our whole world feels like it's caving in around us.

They call.
They send cards.
They text.
They make meals.
They do your laundry.
They take care of your kids.
They force themselves over to your house and into your life because they know, while you might say you want to be alone, this load is to much to carry alone.
They don't care if what they say makes you cry harder because crying is healthy and healing.
One of my "Showwer uppers" once told me, "I don't care if you don't call me.  I don't care if you don't think you want to talk.  I'll be in your life because you need me." And I did.


Who have you shown for?  Do you know someone who needs you?  Don't think about it.  Do it.

Remember, here, where I talking about starting therapy?  Well, I got a kick in the ass by my family and they forced me to go started going.  I'm not sure how I feel about it, any of it yet, but I did learn something fairly mind blowing.

Hang on.

She say, "Did you know that 90% of the conversations we have are inter monologue with ourselves? And did you know that 70% of that monologue is negative to ourselves?  What do you say to yourself? Would you be friends with someone who spoke to you the way you speak to you?"

Sidenote: I probably made up those percentages but I think they are close.

MIND. BLOWN.

I started noticing what I say to myself.



Typical day and I'm so sadly not exaggerating.

Alarm goes off.  I push Snooze.  Alarm goes off again.
"Katie, get up.  You're so lazy.  You didn't go to the gym this morning.  You're so lazy."

Walk to the shower and look in the mirror.
"Ugh, gross.  More wrinkles.  Fatter.  Hmm, not sure I love my hair.  Should have taken off my make-up last night."

In the shower.
"Really?  You haven't shaved your legs in forever.  That was awesome that you wore shorts yesterday."

I'll spare you the whole day but the worst part is, I bet I'm not alone.  What do you say to yourself?


So, fast forward.  Therapist says, "I want you to think of an affirmation and make it a habit to say it each time you _________________.  You can say it each time you walk through a doorway or get out of you car, whenever.

LPIMH:  Wow, this is some legit therapy.  Affirmations?

But, I think of an affirmation for myself and call my BFF.

I tell her the story and she says, "What's your affirmation?"
I said, "I'm not sure but I think it's going to be, Katie, you are a beautiful, smart and confident woman who is open to talking to new people."
She replies, "That's ok but I think we need to gangsta it up a bit, how about,
B!@#$, you beautiful AND you got book smarts!" 

So, I leave you with some homework...
1.  Notice what you're saying to yourself this week
2.  Be nice to you!  You're awesome!

I feel it is my duty to offer a bunch of unsolicited advice give some swimming safety tips.

Perhaps it's because of my years of  prematurely getting wrinkles lifeguarding, or permanently etching a Speedo tan line into my body being on swim team for years, or 10 years of wiping noses in the pool teaching swimming lessons or just always being around water but there are very few things as important to me as being safe around water.


10.  Kids MUST Learn to Swim
It's not optional.  It's not when you have time.  They have to learn.  I, personally, think all kids should be able to swim without any floaties, etc by 3 years old.  The reason being that's a PERFECT age for them to learn because they are old enough to take direction and young enough to not be too afraid.


9.  Practice in the Bath
Bubbles, ears in the water, float on your back, put your eyes in the water!  It can all be practiced when it's bath time

8.  Swim Lesson Should be Short and Often
Take a kid one time per week for an hour is not nearly as effective, when they are first learning, as taking them every single day for 15 minutes.  There are lots of intensive programs out there so if you're given the option-2 solid week sessions rather than once a week is the way to go.


7.  Dunk Em
In the bath, in the pool, anywhere with water.  Take them under the water.  They will be fine.  Yes they will.  Then, if they cry, don't ask them if they are ok or be sad with them.  They're fine!  Say, "Wasn't that fun!  Did you see the fisheys?  I saw a blue one!" I once had a parent sit by the side and would have her kid get out of the pool and run to her so she could wipe his face each time I put him under water.  Punch.  You know why!

PS.  For all the concerned parts about water intoxication, taking them under 4 times in 30 minutes will be ok.

6.  Pool Gates
No exceptions.  Ever.  Every time I taught swimming lessons, I would go over the safety rules.  I would say, "Are you allowed to go swimming without a grown-up?"  One time a kid yelled, "No!"  I said, "Why not?"  He said, "Cause you'll get a hard spankin!"  Hey, works for me!
5.  Go Away if They're Scared and Crying
Swim instructors everywhere would agree that they have a MUCH harder time if you sit by the side while they're still scared to be away from you and scared of the water.  Watch from a window and come back after they're ok in the water.

4.  Let Someone Else Do It
If you have a really reluctant swimmer, chances are, they will swim better without you than with you trying to teach them.

3.  Group, not Private
Kids do well with some positive peer pressure.  Sometimes private are great but when you have a really reluctant swimmer a class with 4 other kids might be just what he/she needs



2.  Hire a Lifeguard
If you're having a pool party, hire a lifeguard whose only job is to watch those kids swim.


1.  Have a Designated Child Watcher
My family and I physically look each other in the eyes and say, "Are you watching ______?  I have to go ________."  "Yes."  Then when they get back we do it again, "Ok, I'm watching _______ now."  It might sound over the top but I can't tell you how many times a kid has silently slipped under the water. Accidents happen in a second and it's often when everyone thinks everyone else is watching.



What other big ones did I miss?!  I'm sure there are tons!

Swim Safe!  Or as my niece would safe Fwim Safe!

Are your actions matching your actual priorities?



In the craziness that becomes our lives I think we forget what the MOST important things are.  It's those relationship we have with the people we love.


Every week, for years, I went to my parent's house for dinner.  It was our ritual.  I'd go over.  I'd chat with my mom while she cooked and Dad would pour me a glass of wine.

We'd enjoy or evening, usually ending up on the patio and then my mom would come and snuggle with me and then tuck me in.  I was well in to my twenties and she would still come and tuck me in to bed when I was spending the night over there.

One night I called Mom.  I was swamped at work, crazy busy with stuff.  So, I called and cancelled dinner.  I knew it was a bad idea at the time.  

Fast forward 10 years.  I have no idea what I was doing at work that day...but I remember skipping dinner.  I would give the next 10 years of work for dinner with my mom.

Don't skip dinner.

5 Things I Constantly Need Reminders About:

I really think that a balanced life is a happy life.


How balanced is your life?
Ummm, NOT balanced at all.
Yeah, mine either.

This is my Balance Wheel...NOT. SO. BALANCED.


You can make yours here.

This is another Balance Test but you have to print it out and actually color it.  I'm going to.  I'm gonna print it and get out my markers and color it and then hang it up to remind myself.

Apparently this is the typical person's wheel:



Are you typical?  Are you balanced?

This is not ok with me...is it ok with you?
What are you going to do about it?  What am I going to do about it?

I leave you with my favorite quote from one of my favorite books...