The other day I pulled up GarageBand and recorded myself singing 2 songs.  Yeah I did that.
My birthday is in 17 days in case you were wondering.  Me, Hitler, Columbine, National pot smoking time or police code or whatever it is.  Yes, it is an important day.


I can't stand it when I hear people talk baby talk.  I talk baby talk to my dog every single day.


It really irks me when parents don't give their kids chores.  I don't know why but it does.  Maybe because I started doing the dishes as soon as I could reach the sink (which was actually later than you would think)


I believe true friends do this:



I make a To Do list 364 days a year.  Once a year I just get lazy.


I once spent $47 on Post-its and I didn't make anything cool like this with them.  I probably used them for To Do lists.



Sometimes I wanna punch Pinterest in the face for making me feel like I have to have beautiful placecards labeling the beans, rices, and tortillas at my Taco Bar AND make painted plaques for my house AND roll balloons in yarn for decoration AND spray paint a dollar bill with Tooth Fairy glitter when I have kids




Yep, that's happening


I wish someone would sew Ryan Lochte's lips shut for the rest of his life and just place in a swimsuit for appearances.


I think I'm going to do this 30 Day blogging challenge because sometimes I don't know what to write and I'm ready to jump back on the bloggy blog train.


Any requests for what I should write about???


I have a crazy fear that I'll post of Pinterest picture I've alreayd posted in a blog before.

I have a confession to make.  
Isn't that what you always do on here?  
It's embarrassing.

Tom and Danielle moved to Colorado...and I'm sad.  I'm already miss them so much.  I have this enormous fear that my relationship with Philip and Lily is going to change.  It's so ridiculous and irrational but I can't make it go away.  I'm so scared they are going to get so, so close with their fabulous aunts and uncles in Colorado and completely forget about Aunt Katie.  And it makes my heart hurt.

I mean, the logical side of me says, "That's not how love works.  You love people different.  Relationships are different."  It's weird because I don't have any of the same fears as far as my relationship with Tom and Danielle go.  I am so secure in knowing that we will be "us" forever and ever.  And they will always be so, so close to the rest of their family too.

So, why is it different with the kids?  I've reminded myself of that a thousand times it won't be, but they really have an amazing family in Colorado.  A family that values family and really enjoys being around one another.

And, really, I don't want their relationship.  I want my relationship, that I have with Philip and Lily, the same relationship-forever.

And I know what you're gonna say, "Katie, of course they would never forget you.  You're a great aunt." I am.  I am a great aunt.  There are a lot of things I really suck at (climbing ropes, walking without tripping, saying no to cookie dough) but Aunting (a new verb...I think I like it)?  I make this look gooood (Say that sentence like Will Smith from that movie about killing giant aliens, er bugs)


Those kids have been blessed with lots of great aunts and great uncles.

And I know it's a different kind of love.

Similar to when I have a class and at the end of each year I really think, "I'm never going to love another class like this," and then the next year comes along and I love them in a whole different way.

Or like when Tom and Danielle were afraid they weren't going to love "the next kid" as much as they loved Philip but then Lily was born.  Six pounds, eleven ounces of pure personality...and their hearts just grew.  And, today, I bet it would be difficult to remember what life felt like before her.

It's a different kind of love.  A love like that.  A love like no other.  A relationship like no other.  No duplicating or replacing.  How lucky are we that love multiplies like that.

And I can re-freaking-lax and be secure in the fact that some bonds are a little to thick to be shaken.


So...
I'll give myself the pep talk I know Tom and Danielle would give me.

From Danielle: I knew you were feeling this way.  (Because she psychically always knows my thoughts).  They love you so much.  They love all their aunts and uncles and have such a special and different bond with each of them.



From Tom...and from Tom I would use the term "pep talk" loosely.  Perhaps Tough Love Yell would be more apropos: Really?  Really?  You're ridiculous.

I'm ridiculous...not quite as scared anymore.  Gotta love vomiting your more personal thoughts onto a public site for the world to see writing.

It's actually a little earlier than that

2 things I learned this week...
Don't be scared and don't be stupid

Don't Be Scared
I had seriously worked myself into a complete tailspin over the fact that I had to go back to Crossfit this week.  I had a real live nightmare about it.  What are they going to think?  They're judging me.  They're talking crap on me.  I know they are.  I've gained weight since I stopped going and they don't even want me back.

Katie, are you kidding?  This is crazy.

Not kidding.  I know, it's a little bit of a sickness how much I thought about this.

I text my CF friend.  Her reply, "Are you kidding?  That's the same mentality that stops really obese people from going to the gym.  It's not about them.  It's about you.  Plus you know CF peeps are not like that!"


Turns out...she's right.

Turns out the Crossfit community is just as awesome as it was when I left.
Hug, good to have you back.
Where the hell have you been?
Good to see you?
How are you?

Turns out..they actually didn't huddle around one another, push me out of the circle, and talk crap on me.

So, I bring my lesson to you.  Nobody cares if you have gained/lost weight.  Nobody cares if you have a zit on your face.  Nobody cares if you have a crappy haircut.  Go out.  Work out.  Enjoy yourself.

People love you for who you are and are not completely consumed with what you look like.  In fact, most people are as self absorbed as me (No they're not Katie) and too concerned about what YOU think of THEM than to think about what THEY think of YOU.


Don't Be Stupid
When you do actually go back to the gym after 4 months off you should know that you HAVE gotten weaker and you should NOT try and lift just as much weight as when you left.

Excuse me while I take 25 minutes to stand up because I can hardly move my legs.

I'm not Crossfitting right now.
I haven't walked into 480, since I walked out in early October.



My most recent ankle injury wasn't completely healed and, as usual, I didn't really listen, tried to do more than I should have and re-injured myself.

So...I went home.
I went home to heal.
To have a giant pity party.
To be sad about my dumb ligaments and tendons.

I went to physical therapy.
I got an MRI.
I was told I need surgery.
I'm still trying to get a 2nd opinion that tells me I don't.

And in the meantime...
I sit.
I told myself maybe my Crossfit ship had sailed.
Maybe I should find a new "thing."

I tried hot yoga.
I rode my bike a bit.
I walked a little.
But I just haven't felt IT.

The IT I feel when I look at the board and don't wanna do the workout...and then do it anyway.
The IT I feel when I walk in and leave everything I have on the gym floor.
The IT I feel when I PR something almost each time I'm in there.
The IT I feel when I get to add to my Crossfit Log on my phone
The IT I feel when I am more motivated to exercise than I've ever been in my life.
The IT I feel when I'm driving home, recapping the WOD and smiling to myself because I did it...again.
The IT I feel when I'm cheering people on...the same people who have cheered me on over and over again.
The IT I feel when I read other people's Facebook posts about Jackie and know exactly what they mean.The IT I feel when I'm laying on the ground, catching my breath, completely spent.




Yeah, I miss IT.

So, I'm starting to think...even modified Crossfit is probably better than no Crossfit.
Perhaps, I'll go ahead and walk back into that box.

I really think that a balanced life is a happy life.


How balanced is your life?
Ummm, NOT balanced at all.
Yeah, mine either.

This is my Balance Wheel...NOT. SO. BALANCED.


You can make yours here.

This is another Balance Test but you have to print it out and actually color it.  I'm going to.  I'm gonna print it and get out my markers and color it and then hang it up to remind myself.

Apparently this is the typical person's wheel:



Are you typical?  Are you balanced?

This is not ok with me...is it ok with you?
What are you going to do about it?  What am I going to do about it?

I leave you with my favorite quote from one of my favorite books...