I should have predicted it wasn't going to be a good date based on one sentence.  Pre-date, I went to happy hour with a friend and on the way out I ran into an old friend, "So, any new news in work, life...," he asks.  "Nothing really.  I'm headed out on a first date right now."  He says, "Ok, I'll read about that on your blog later."  

As I walk away, I was so embarrassed.  I don't write about every date and it's not that awesome that everyone knows exactly what's happening in my world without even speaking to me.  

I decided I wasn't going to blog about this one. 

Fast forward...

I have to.  You have to know about it because I can't just suffer in silence. I just can't even...it was that bad and who am I kidding, my dating horror stories blog are my highest read posts ever. 

Here are the highlights of what happened in those 51 minutes.

Future Aspirations

I ask, "Did you go to ASU?"  

"Yes, I have a biology degree.  Funny that I work in IT if I have a biology degree.  What I would really like to do is work in a zoo.  Wouldn't that be cool?"

I say, "Well, I do like to visit the zoo." 

"I think it would be so awesome to feel the Emu and I actually would like to wear the shorts and the vest." 

LPIMH:  Am I on camera right now?  I wonder if people set me up just doing this to see my reactions?!

Dog Lover

I spend about $270 per month to feed my dogs.  They eat better than I do.  I cook for them and, believe me, they eat a lot.

LPIMH: I love my dog.  She's totally my family and I couldn't do life without her but I will NEVER cook meals for her.  No !@#$ing way. 

I should have known something like this would come up when I got this message.  Sorry, Kids, sounds like you got trumped by the dogs. 

Big Spiders

He says, "I really don't like big spiders."

LPIMH:  Why the !@#$ are we talking about big spiders?  This isn't a topic of conversation.

I say with a fake laugh, "Ha.  Me either.  I don't know many people who like them." 

"Well I used to have this friend and she had three of them that she let crawl all over her neck..."

LPIMH:  WHY ARE WE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION?!?!

Big Drinker

"Whoa, I am not sure I can drive home.  That beer went straight to my head.  I don't drink much." 

LPIMH:  1 beer.  You had 1 beer. 

I guess in the grand scheme of things that's not THAT bad of a first date.  No blood or broken bones.  Just a girl sitting stunned across from the Zoo Keeper.