I started something a couple of years ago.  Every December 26th, I write a letter to my future self about the year I just had.  It sets me up for the year and helps me determine what I'm trying to get out of it.  I love doing it and I love re-reading it.  They only change I'll make this year it to actually print it and put it in a prominent place so that I can see it more often.  

Here's the letter I was to open this year and my reflections, in blue.  

What an intentional year you had Katie Cartier!  Your word for the year was LOVE and love you did. First, you fell in love with you and then you fell in love with a really great guy.

It really was an intentional year.  I did both of those things but I did them in the opposite order.  I did fall in love with a really great guy and I did fall in love with myself (more on both below)

You made 2016 a great year, full of new adventures and wonderful memories and 2017 was no different.

In 2016 you learned about making yourself a priority and in 2017 you really lived that.

For you, being healthy means healthy eating, exercise, doing good for others, and companionship.
You took your, what has now become, your annual letter and did more with it...

You printed it.

You created a Vision Board.

You put it on there.

You read it every Quarter and made adjustments to ensure you were on track!

 My wonderful friend Kelli got me a Vision Board and I did create the cards for it but didn't ever print them.  #growupkatie  However, I did have a year full of new adventures.  I was invited on a last minute trip to make memories with my cousin and family who I hold in the highest regard...and make memories we did.  I saw incredible places for the first time- Grenada, a part of the Caribbean I had never seen that was just an incredible as the other crystal blue water to which I had become accustomed.   

 Well here's what you did to be in love with you this year...

Healthy Eating
On the first day of the year, you were four days in to your first Whole 30 of the year.  You were already feeling less bloated, your skin was more clear and you felt nourished with clean food.

Over the course of the year you would complete 3 more Whole 30s and really keep your diet clean in between that.

You read lots of Melissa Hartwig's books to learn about how to sustain this lifestyle after the Whole 30s were over.

You should be so proud of yourself!  This year, you hit the lowest weight you would hit in over TEN years and it was all because you kept the foods away that didn't agree with your body!

I did do a Whole 30 last year.  It jump-started my healthy year.  I will always be a fan of all that they stand for and how they have changed my life over the years.  I didn't do four of them;  I actually only did one full Whole 30 and a few days of another one.  Ha!  #whole30quitter I read LOTS of Melissa Hartwig Instagram stories-totally her groupie for life.  

For the very first time, I ended my year healthier than I have been in ten years.  You guys!  Oh my gosh!  I am still 4 pounds from the number I put on here (and erased) but I'm back at my lowest Crossfit weight and headed into 2018 for even bigger goals!  Go Katie and go all the people and programs who got me there because Lord knows it takes a village!  

Exercise
You hiked 100 miles!  Fresh air, nature, and good music are good for your soul.  You rocked that hiking playlist and moved, moved, moved.

You wore your Fitbit for an entire month. You tracked all of your steps that month and were amazed at how you managed to get in over 10,000 for 20/30 days.

You rode your bike 500 miles!  Well done!

You swam 15 miles.

You did 90 days of Yoga with Adriene!

I really didn't do a lot of hiking this year at all.  Some, but definitely not 100 miles.  There have been years that this was huge in my life but not last year.   I wore my FitBit for 3 days at a time.  Ha!  Fail.  I probably went 100 miles on my bike last year.  Eeek, I need to pump up those tires and get on there.  I did swim way more than 15 miles.  I jammed out to my swim iPod and got those laps done!  I ended my year with a LOT of exercise.  I can run further and lift heavier than I could at the beginning of the year. 




Companionship
You began the year by going on 15 dates and yay for you, one of those ended up being the man you wanted to continue dating.  He's so good to you and you have had a wonderful year getting to know one another.

That is all true.  I went on a lot of dates in the beginning of the year and then I met this guy in early January and, very quickly, fell in love with him.  

It was easy from the start and he was absolutely a man I wanted to continue dating.  When I look back on 2017, he was the biggest part of my year.  We laughed hard and bantered and when we were good, our souls knew how to dance.  

And there's so much more to that story.  So much that wasn't pretty or storybook worthy.  

I ended 2017 with him out of my life and I am finally ready to close that chapter.  Really ready, not kinda ready to almost shut the book but peek back in when I get lonely.  I'm not bitter or angry with him or with me, because this is life.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.  

I have never understood the "poor me" mentality.  Things don't always go the way you want them to but life isn't about things working.  It's about all those little moments that make up our days and years.  Some, moments that we think back on and smile and some that are hard to remember but they are always ours.  For me, most of my moments of full of sunshine...and of course, we mix in a few cloudy days. 

I love that, from this man, my heart learned to be compassionate and open.  I learned that being more open-minded about people, and all that we come with, allows us to judge less and love more.  That was a huge lesson for me and one I have needed to learn for a long time.  And a piece of me will always wonder what could have been if everything had been different.  But the bigger piece of me is so ready to see what's next for me.  
Truth be told, I ended last year sad.  I was in tears as I wrote this letter to myself-depressed and sad and an ugly version of me.  Today I write, grinning ear to ear...

I got to spend time with every one of my people.  Quality time where we were really present in conversations and connections. 

Every time my family moved further, my biggest worry was, "What about our relationship?"  This year I discovered that the answer is, "We will always be us."  Always.  I got to spend time with just Philip and Lily.  Nobody else was invited.   Best moments of my life.   They are bigger but their hearts are the same-strong, kind and so full of love for the people around them.  

My tribe and I continue to have collective and independent relationships, relationships I often don't feel worthy of.   I am constantly amazed at the amount of people I have in my corner.  My cheerleaders, my sounding boards, the people who are willing to put themselves in the line of fire to say what needs to be said.  I will always be the most grateful for the relationships that keep me moving.  Here's to all those little moments, with you, that were so very big.  

And me personally...I don't hate the camera and I love who I am.  I am in love, for the first time in a very long time, with me.  That makes me feel like I won my year.  I'm winning my life.  Cheers to 2018.  May it be just as life-changing.  



Who did your soul dance with this in 2017?  Did you win your year?  Cheers to you, my people and our upcoming year.   Right here-Right now.

It's no secret that I'm on a workout/eat right kick right now.  Yes, we noticed...from your annoying daily check-ins at the gym.  

Here's what I'm obsessed with right now.  Thank God!  We have been on the edge of our seats.  Seriously, all we can think about every day, "I wonder what Katie is loving this week."

Costco No Show Socks
I literally had 2 pairs of socks I liked wearing with my tennis shoes.  Two and ya'll know how often I do laundry so you can imagine what a problem this was becoming.  I'd get mad every day-to the point that I didn't want to go to the gym when it dawned on me.  Wait, "Since you're a grown up, Santa isn't going to put socks in your stocking anymore.  Go ahead and buy some damn socks."

These are perfect.  It says no show and it's the truth.  They are like a delicious hug for my feet.  Neat simile Katie.  Neat. 




Sports Bras from Target.  
Look at the back of them.  Adorbs.  However, they aren't super supportive so there's that.  Apparently you have to choose cute or supportive.


BCAAs + Glutamine 
I honestly feel like perhaps this was brought by Jesus.  Where has glutamine been all my life?  I'm not sure what the heck it's made from.  Perhaps the hooves of baby horses, but I don't even care.  It makes me not sore.  That's real.


Group Texts About All Things Exercise and Motivation 
Fun story: The girl who inspired me to do this challenge.  This girl.  LOOK. AT. THAT. PROGRESS.  She's, obviously, always been hot but she's so confident and even hotter now and in her words, "Every aspect of my life has improved.  I'm a better wife, a better mom, and a happier person."



Anyway, she had a friend in Phoenix who was starting the challenge as well so she set the three of us on a group text...and the rest is history.  We discuss our bodily functions on that group chat way too often to not be best friends for the rest of our lives.  Ha!  Thanks Jamie and Allison for helping me stay sane every day.



Kale and Quinoa Cakes 
Have I written about these before?  They are amazing, from Costco,  and make one less thing I need to meal prep each week.  If you're in the challenge, these are not technically FTDI because there's some carrot and egg yolk but it's very close and they've worked great for me so far.



Costco Veggies
Brussel sprouts, spinach and asparagus.  I heart everything about your Costco even your vegetables.




That's all I got right now.  I hope all of you blog readers are well.  I'm loving all the Christmas decorating, Santa visiting and general merriment that's going on right now.

Sidenote:  I'm looking for an awesome sign off.  I'm a big fan of Ellen's "Be kind to one another," but I don't want to take that away from her.  She'd be embarrassed if I took all her fans.  Now accepting sign off ideas.

The day I walked into that hospital room and burst into tears after seeing my brave sister holding her brand new son was my favorite.

Maybe it was the day we went to the beach.  I taught Philip how to put sand through his fingers and he taught me that babies and sand aren't always a good mix.

The day Tom and Danielle walked into their house with their fresh baby girl was definitely my favorite.

Perhaps it was the day I watched my nephew intently look at ants while his sister slept in her mama's arms and the sun set at the part.

No, it had to have been the weekend I got to be with them all by myself and learned, the hard way, that listening to the baby's mom about not taking her to the movies would have probably been smarter.

The beach bonfire when Philip and I ran so fast we fell in the sand.

The night Danielle told me I'd have a hard time getting Lily to sleep, I took it as a challenge, and rocked that baby while her sweet breath touched my face was my favorite time.

The trip to Disneyland where the three of us got to ride Peter Pan, just us.  That was the best.

I had the best time watching my nephew run to the computer to discuss our very first book club book when he was just in first grade.

Cuddling with my niece on the bow of the boat while we made funny faces and laughed until our bellies hurt, that was my favorite.  

Nah, it had to have been listening to Lily "tell on me" with her hands on her hips, "Mom, Aunt Katie won't stop calling me Goose!" and realizing that her parents would never have to worry about anyone pushing that girl around.

Nope, it was this trip.  This trip was my favorite.  Lily is cooler than almost every adult I know.  Her quick comebacks and easy-going personality are the perfect mix of her parents.  My nephew copies every single thing his father does and I watch my brother become the very best version of himself, right before my eyes, because his every action is immediately reflected by his son.  I got to steal those kids away and have them all to myself.  We cuddled hard, went swimming and went on an adventure though the woods.  Philip got his breakfast all over the place, the hot tub was dirty, we had to walk through very tall weeds on our treasure hunt...and our day was perfect.  A perfect day in a world of imperfections-such is life.  Yes, this trip was my favorite.

We make new memories, but we're still us.  Aunt Katie, Philip and Lily.  The bond gets tighter.  The love gets stronger.  Those kids are my favorite.

I haven't posted anything about this because I'm scared I'll quit if I write about it.  So, can you just pretend you didn't read it?  Don't say, "good job," because as I wrote in Shut up and Dance, the research the Ted Talk says I'll quit.

Butttt, since you're here, I have to say...

Usually, when I do something, I do it really, really hard for a very short period of time.  I wrote about that here if you need some background info.  Notice that there's no link?  I can't find it.  10 points if you find an old blog of mine about consistency.

This time I'm doing Weight Watchers and exercising.

It's this incredible, hidden recipe I just found for weight loss called:

No, seriously.  Mind blowing, I know.

Anyway, I promised myself that this time around I would work to find balance, be consistent and stay the course and, for today, I'm doing just that.

Find balance
I'm doing Weight Watchers, not a Whole 30.  There's nothing that's "off limits" in my diet.  You want a cupcake?  Eat a cupcake.  Then, eat fish for dinner.  You want a drink?  Have a drink or two or three but know that's where you chose to "spend" your points. You have a big dinner out with friends and want to indulge?  Do it.  Those are your weekly points.

In the past Weight Watchers didn't work that well because it was based on, pretty much, calories only and if a bag of Jelly Beans has the same point value as carrots and hummus, I'm eating Jelly Beans every time.  Grow up Katie.  Now, they have re-worked the formula to steer you far away from sugar.  It's not off limits but it does come at a high price.  Fine, Weight Watchers, I won't eat the jelly beans...that often.

The most fit people I know do this.  They don't cut things out for a period of time.  They just find the balance.



Be consistent 
I'm not doing this for 30 days.  I'm not doing it for a 7 day cleanse.  I'm doing this forever.  It helps keep me accountable to log my food so I log my food-every 2nd dinner that I eat standing at the counter while I'm cooking every bite.

I'm consistently exercising which, I will admit, is super easy for Summer Katie because I have 24 hours of time in my work-free day to exercise.  The best I ever looked was when my mom made me drive my brother to his boxing class five days a week in high school.  I'd work out every time I went and, like magic, weight fell off and I looked supa-fly.  You're embarrassing Katie. 

Right now, I'm choosing exercise that I enjoy.  I love swimming laps so I swim laps because I know I'll be willing to do it consistently.  I hate running so I don't run because life is too short to !@#$ing run if you hate it.  !@#$ running.  I've tried to love it and I have learned to hate it less but it's never going to pump me up to "go for a run."  No.  Just...no.



Sidenote: I'd like to invent a new kind of gym called Consistency.  The reason people quit the gym is because they don't go but if they go, it works.  So, upon registering, you give them your account info and every workout you miss, they auto deduct $100 from your bank account.  I think it's a million dollar idea!

Stay the course
I steal everything and really don't have my own ideas and, as expected, I stole this too.  Thanks for making this your motto Jamie.  It's mine now too.  Stolen. (PS.  Jamie has recently lost over FIFTY POUNDS and looks HAF (hot as !@#$).


There have been at least 10 times in the last month that I want to jump ship and try what my friends are doing because they look awesome and are getting such great results, but I'm not letting myself this time because I don't have enough money to join that gym because I've learned about myself and I know I would do it for a few minutes and then quit and be back where I started.

I'm writing a public service announcement to all of the past, present and future women I know and a friend or two (or five) I know who is most recently going through "a thing."  Sidenote:  It's always "a thing" these days.  It's not a break-up.  It's not dating.  It's just a thing or you're engaged.  Sadly, this is actually very true.  Also, I guess this is for men too.  Do they get sad too? #iknownothingaboutmen

Moving on...

As it turns out, there are only two ways that relationship go:
1.  They end.
2.  You get married and stay together forever.

I guess that can seem depressing but when you think about how many people there are in the world and how many matches can be made, most people are bound to go through several (or, in my case, many more than several).  

There is no other option that doesn't fit into one of those categories.  Yes, I'm oversimplifying but...well, no buts.  I'm oversimplifying and for the purposes of this blog I need to do just that.


So, this is for everyone who is dealing with #1...

One of the personality traits that I hate the most is a martyr.
"Poor me.  Everything bad happens to me.  Wahhh.  Whyyyyyyyyyy don't relationships ever work out for me?
Boo.  Stop!  Put on your big girl panties and suck it up sister!

Annnnnd as much as I hate that, we all go there sometimes.

You know what else we, as women, do?  We look desperate.  I mean, not me.  I've never done anything desperate or martyrish (insert eye roll from every friend I have).  We need to stop!  We are strong and beautiful women.  PULL.  IT.  TOGETHER.  LADIES.  

I know it hurts.
It hurts when a seven year relationship...
or a fifteen year relationship...
or a six month "thing" ends.
Yes, I know there are varying degrees of hurt but we can agree that it all hurts.
Go ahead and be sad.
Cry.
Be sad.
Lay in your bed.
Be mad.
Look at your phone.
Be sad.
Re-read old texts.
Be mad.
Listen to sad songs that remind you of him.
Be sad.
Stalk away.
Then, let it go.


Get up and move the eff on.
You will.
You did last time your heart was broken and the time before that and remember that boy who broke your heart in junior high?  You're ok from that one too.   You actually see pictures of him and his wife and kids and smile and think, "Awe, I'm glad he's happy."
You will this time too.
Give it the time it needs but know that there is another side to this yucky heartache.

He wasn't your lobster.  

It's hard to really feel that when you're deep in it but as you pull away and "get better," you can look back and kinda chuckle to yourself and, "Well, glad that didn't work out."

Chin up, shoulders back, Baby.  You'll be just fine. <--- famous quotes from Mom

Feel free to come back to this blog next time...and the time after that until you find your lobster and you will.

Let's talk about something that's been a concern of mine for a long time.

Leaving People.
It's unkind.  It causes anxiety.  It makes life worse.  Please stop doing it.  

Just shop together.  It's better.



As equal parts logical and emotional I'd like to come at this from two different angles to prove my point.  My hope is that this blog strikes such a chord with you that NONE of you ever split up in the store again...ever.  Wow, you're really giving your writing abilities a lot of credit right now, aren't you?  

You walk into the store with someone else and they say, "I'm gonna grab the sugar," and they head off in the other direction as you.


How does that make you feel?  Fine.  Well it makes me feel like I need a Xanax.
 

I'd love to say all of these questions come from the LPIMH but if you've ever done this to me, you've already heard the spiel (yes, loud and clear Cartier)  but for those of you who haven't had the privilege of shopping with me here it is...

Why?  Why are we splitting up?

The Emotional Side: Grocery shopping with other people is SO MUCH FUN!  You get to chat in the aisles.  It can be very relaxing to peruse together and it's perfect bonding time and if you ever go with my brother you might: play volleyball in the liquor aisle. have a full out battle with armor and masks in the toy aisle, or play "Who can buy the best present for a dollar."

Since I have multiple friends who are therapist and are psychoanalyzing this...yes, I got lost once.  I was 9 and in Hawaii.  It was traumatic.  Don't leave meeeeeeeeeeee!  I'm writing it small as to not draw attention to the fact that this may have something to do with why I hate splitting up.  It can't detract from the rest of my arguments because they are rock solid.  

(Reader Note:  You'll really get the fill gist if you read this very, very quickly so you can really feel and understand the exasperated tone with which it's written)

The Logical Side (and a little more emotional too):  Splitting up makes absolutely no sense at all.  The time you think you save by dividing and conquering is quickly eating up by attempting to locate one another.  Even if you make a plan to meet by the gum, how detailed was your plan, really?  You didn't discuss what type of gum?  Aisle gum with the candy or checkout counter gum?  Then you have to search both locations and meanwhile they were near the tortillas because they saw a sale.  Before you know it, you've walked the entire store.  All the while, the other person's heart is starting to beat SO FAST because should they go to the gum?  Should they stay put?  Should they just check out?  What if they got sick of waiting and went to the car?  What if they are waiting near the bananas because you mis-heard the conversation all together?


To all of the people in my life who know about the anxiety store splitting causes me and think is HILARIOUS to leave me immediately upon entering...punch.  You know why!  It's bad enough when you do it at my local Target but when you try and do it in other countries or states...I just can't.

So, in conclusion.  No, I don't want to split up.  If you try and leave me, I'll run after you like a little lost puppy and I'll make you do a science experiment for the next four trips where we time each other in each scenario in order to prove I'm right.  Don't make me get out my stopwatch.  Just trust me and do the right thing.

It's summer.  I should blog.

Sometimes I feel like I can hear you so well when you see my blog...
What I'm Loving Wednesday?  Seriously, Katie needs to get a life.  Who does she think she is that she thinks the entire Facebook world cares about what lotion she's using this week?  Yeah, you right...but here you are reading about what lotion I like.  Ha!

Jerkins Coconut
It's summer.  ALL. THINGS. COCONUT.  Under normal circumstances I'd never cheat on my Original Jerkins but...COCONUT.  It smells perfect.  Not too fake.  Still perfectly Jergensly moisturizing.



I Wish You More
My boss just gave out this book and it's so cute!  If you're a parent, get it for your kids today!  What? MY kids are almost teenagers, they would never sit down for a kid's book.  Try it.  ALL kids love being read to.


This Quote
Erica just gave me a journal with the world's nicest, most meaningful letter inside and this quote on the front.  It's true and a good reminder to all of us.  We're pink Starbursts Friends!


Tropical Cherry Sparkling Water
Yes, I'm still addicted to sparkling water and I have no intentions of quitting anytime soon because I just keep finding new and more amazing flavors!   This is my new fav from Target!
Glass Containers 
I heart meal prepping.  No, scratch that.  I don't love it at all but I tolerate and am willing to do it IF I have containers to put my food in after I'm done...which I didn't.  Plus. I'm trying to get rid of all plastic and convert to glass so these are my new go-to containers.  I tried it today and give it two thumbs up.


Puzzles
Seriously, if you're ever wondering what to get me for a present, get me a puzzle.  It's so calming for me to sit and do one.  Hot tea, a puzzle and my AARP Magazine.  Ha!  Just kidding about the magazine.  This is my current one.  Thomas Kincade meets Beauty and the Beast.  Tom text and said, #isthatforlily (his 6 year old daughter).  No, no it's not Thomas.  It's an ADULT puzzle.  Katie, maybe you should spend a little LESS time puzzling and a little MORE time dating?  Good idea but as ya'll know I can't stay on this slow boat if I spending time dating the RIGHT men so I'm going to periodically go back to the WRONG men and, while I'm not doing that, work on my puzzle.  I got this.  ;)


Phew, I'm going to be able to sleep better tonight knowing that you prefer glass containers over plastic.  You're welcome.

What are your favorite summer things?