My nephew is smart.
Not a little bit smart, freakin brilliant.


I wouldn't be surprised if he made it into MENSA.  Do you "make it" into MENSA?  Is it even called MENSA?  Those super smart people?
Obviously, he doesn't take after his aunt in intelligence ;) 

His parents would never mention it because they would sound like they were bragging but I don't give a !@#$.  I'll mention it.
Real mature Katie. 

I said it when he was so small..."This kid is WAY beyond his years with his knowledge."  Tom and I argue over how he got that smart.  He thinks he was born that way.  I think it's because he was read to every single day since the day he was born.  Who's right?
Obviously you are Katie.  You're always right.  
Thanks Blog Crew, I agree!

Discussing which planets we could go to and not got to based on their temperature when he was two years old.
Reading that same year
Chapter books starting in Kindergarten
Flying through at least a book a day today...the boy is a literary genius.


Last week we decided to have a Skype Book Club.

I said, "What book should we read?"
"Um, how bout Captain Underpants Number 11?"
"Um, how bout no?  Can we think of a different book?
"Why," he says obviously annoyed that I don't value his favorite books.
"Well, Philip, I just am not sure I'll understand #11 if I haven't read 1-10.  Besides, perhaps we can push your reading a bit since you read Captain Underpants in a day.  I heard of a book called How to Ear Fried Worms.  What about that?"

Dad (Tom) pipes in, "What?! That sounds like a great book!  I wanna read that!"
(Silent high five to Dad for giving his stamp of approval)

So, it was settled.  We were reading How to Eat Fried Worms.

Amazon Prime = My best friend.
Book is there in 2 days, 1st Book Club Meeting 2 days later.

I wish I could have taken a picture of him when he Skyped me.
There he is, laying on the ground with his face in his hands, and a giant smile full of those 6 year old teeth that are still a bit too big for his mouth-the cutest thing ever.


"Aunt Katie, I CAN'T BELIEVE HE ATE A NIGHT CRAWLER!  That's disgusting and WHY was he dancing around all crazy like he really liked them?!"

We continue with our "meeting," with my mouth agape because I can't even process the fact that this first grader is comprehending and responding to this book and his excitement level is contagious...and 3 minutes later we finish up.

Lessons from Book Club Meeting #1:
That boy is so smart.

Our next push is the nuances of language (ie: Billy coaxed his dogs into the igloo. <---- "What do you think this sentences means Philip?"  He says, "I have no idea."  "Do you really think they live in a real igloo?"  "Yes, I do."  So...we will work on that part.

He's still only 6 so our "meetings" only last 3 minutes max.

Forever and ever I will have a very special bond with this boy.  I don't know what it is but just thinking about him brings tears to my eyes.


Hashtag: A love like that
Hashtag: Be still my swollen heart

I was catching up on one of my favorite blogs today, Little Baby Garvin.  I'm not even sure how I found this blog in the first place.  Pintrest maybe?

Ohhh, maybe I should put MY blog on Pinterest?  I always want it to be famous.
Katie, let it die.  Your blog isn't going to be famous.  

I just want it to be famous enough to get 34 comments per post...and I want people to send me stuff so I can review it.
Katie
And that's all...34 comments and free shit.  What would they send?  Little Baby Garvin gets baby shit because her blog is about babies and shit.

They could send me some leggings from Zella because I mentioned them once.
KATIE!  Averaging 100 reads per post...and that's only what you've worked up to since the beginning is never going to make your blog where you talk about embarrassing yourself regularly will never make you famous.  

Maybe I should read this

Maybe they could send me a maid to fold my laundry.
I wouldn't mind some organic food or a free membership to Sumits.
Or, perhaps new very sturdy shoes since I fall down all the time.  Like Danskos.   Bah ha ha!  The Danskos!
2/3 my friends...Never wear those Katie.  1/3 of my friend...They are so comfortable!  Love my Danskos!






Moving on...
It was a real S-H-I-T-T-A-S-T-I-C.  Yes, Shittastic <--- that's worse than Asstastic week.

Totally not my favorite.  This I strongly considered quitting my job to fold towels at Bed, Bath, and Beyond.  I wondered if "putting in your two weeks" worked when you were under contract.

However, (my friends and I used to actually say, "However comma," so when I type that, in my head I still say, "However, comma")

In the words of my mother, "Are your days mostly sunny with a few clouds or mostly cloudy with a few sunny ones?"

Guess what.  Today, life got better.  And even in those seemingly yucky days, I still have mostly sunny days with a few clouds.


Not bad days, just bad moments.

Finally, to end this random blog I'll add 3 things...

1.  Scout is sitting above the couch where she doesn't belong but she's so cute just staring out the window that I can't tell her to get down.


Also, that's where the 5 loads of clean laundry sat for quite some time.  You'll notice that it's gone now.  I'll just assume you gave me a gold star because I earned it.

I'm going to be vaguish.
Katie, you know how to be vague?  I thought you only knew how to overshare?

I'm going to attempt to be vague.

Short Story
1.  I was dating Boring Guy from this post.  This is a post that I originally wrote, let you read, re-thought, hid, just re-opened and may hide again ;)

2.  I was over it.  It wasn't going anywhere.

3.  I wasn't really over it.  Maybe it was going somewhere?  He's definitely not boring.  He's pretty funny.  Maybe it just took him a bit to open up?

4.  We kept hanging out.

5.  I definitely wasn't over it and was pretty in to him.

6. It was moving at a snail's pace...and still not really going anywhere

7.  I was over it.

8.  We kept hanging out.

9.  I'm 99% sure it's not going anywhere

10.  I'm a wee bit sad about it and I guess it's really over.
LPIMH: I'M TOO OLD FOR THIS !@#$
Katie, you ARE too old for this.
To anyone who was actually thinking that...Punch, you know why!


So, there you have it...me, being vague.



Things I've Learned:
1.  If you want your friends to like the guy you like, don't post a !@#$ty blog about it because they will keep bringing up how you really don't like him which I appreciate because my friends are Team Katie all the way but then I have to convince them that I just had Word Vomit (I capitalized it because I feel like it's probably a real medical condition?) and I really DO like him.

I was talking to my aunt/stand-in-mother/ASS (It stands for Aunt Super Suzanne.  I gave her that name.  The whole family calls her ASS.  Katie Cartier: 1 The Rest of the World: 0...Um, we are currently reading your blog about how you liked a guy and he didn't like you back.  So, no, Katie Cartier: 1...no)

Anyway, she says, "Remember when you used to tell that one friend something about the guy and then she hated him because she was your friend?  Well, now you blog about it and everyone hates him.  Good job."   Hashtag: real mature katie

Stand Strong Team Katie, just like in Middle School.  I hate someone.  You hate them too.  Every. Time.


Just FYI, "we" don't HATE Boring Guy (he's not boring anymore but we can just call him that), we just wish he was more in to dating me that he is right now (<--- I know I said "right now" as if it's going to change.  Katie, it's not going to change.  Let it go.  Ugh, I knoooooowwww.  Hashtag: sad face

2.  Trust your instincts...I don't know if I really trust my instincts but I think that's good advice for people reading my blog.


I'd like to end on a positive note so you don't feel bad for me.
Feel bad for you?  !@#$.  This is my entertainment.  I think it's hilar.  Hilar from the comfort of my bed next to my husband. 

Here's the positive note...
In the past week 4, yes 4, people talked to me about my blog telling me they really laughed out loud and got excited when I posted new things.  What!?!?
LPIMH:  Who even cares that Boring Guy isn't that in to me.  My blog is funny.  Nothing else matters.  Lie.  More Matters but "funny blog" is the best thing I have heard in weeks!  Love.  Love.

There's a pile of clean laundry on my couch.  It's pretty big-5 loads worth.  I should do something with it.  I should.

How do you accumulate so much laundry Katie?  
You're embarrassing.  Fold your damn clothes.  

I can't.  I need to tell you about something...

I need to tell you about the Emotional Bank Account.  Do you know about it?

Yes, Katie, we ALL know about it because you freakin' talk about it all the time-my family and work friends
No, Katie, you're so wise, and we can't wait to read all about it-everyone else. 

It's from the book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Basically, we all have an EBA.  Perhaps you know it as your love tank?  Your bucket?

Anyway, the deal is that if you make a withdrawl (ie: negative comment, tough conversation, etc) you need to make lots of deposits (ie: kind words, acts of service) to "fill it up."


I need everyone to know about this EBA so that if I say, "That was a withdrawl," you'll know what I'm talking about.

Here's a funny story.
Katie, you can't tell us a story is funny before you tell it.

I work with a lady. She's kinda like our work mom...if your definition of mom is the lady who yells at you each day.  ;)  "I don't yell.  I'm Italian and Irish.  That's how we talk," she'd say.  I love this woman. If I'm not diligently working on my actual job, I'm sitting in her office shootin' the shit, where everyone sits.

Anyway, we have a tendency to talk a lot of shit to each other get in disagreements from time to time.  So, one day I talk her about the EBA and the next morning I said, "Too many withdrawls, too early." The day went on and she continue to rob my bank account so I said, "I need a deposit, right now.  You're overdrafted."  She picks up a brownie I made, took a bite and said, "Did you make these?"
I said, "Yes."  She said, "Well they're not that bad.  There.  There's your deposit.  Now, shut up."  <--- She didn't say shut up.  I added it to more the story more interesting.

Perhaps I should clarify what a deposit looks and sounds like ;)

My goal is to keep things in a pretty good balance with all the people in my world.  Sometimes it's a little harder than other times, especially with my closest friends because we are honest to a fault.

However, the other day I sent a group text to some of my best gals.  Now, these are the same people who will literally rip on my clothes for a hour and not bat an eyelash, "Katie do each pair of your shorts have a sewn in cuff."
"Those are the ones they sell!"
"Yep, they sell those right next to the ones without the sewn in cuff."
The other whore best friend pipes in with, "Yes, she wears them with a button down shirt, maybe one with three buttons at the top and her cardigan."

Anyway, have I painted a clear enough picture of what bitches how honest these girls are?

But when it counts, we are all in with the deposits.  Right there with the right words to pick me up, help dust me off and get back on the horse.

3 Things Before You Read...
1.  I know that preposition doesn't belong there
2.  Yes, it's bothering me too
3.  I guess it was just those 2 things

I had a hilarious/kinda serious conversation with Tom today.  If my blog every gets famous and you don't actually know me personally, Tom is my brother.   Katie, go ahead and exhale.  It's still just us reading. 

Katie:  So, we have talked about you for long enough.  Time to talk about me.

Tom:  Ok, we talked about me for 11 minutes and 21 seconds.  You get 4 minutes.  Go.

Katie: I know I said I was going to apply for Assistant Principal positions next year but I decided I really love my job, have a lot more to learn and want to stay right where I am.

Tom: Katie, why?  I don't understand why the hell you would go to school, get a bunch of debt and not apply for a job that was going to pay more."

Katie: Tom, I never went into this job for the money.

Tom: I'm just saying, you're playing 3A and I'm waiting for you to jump into 4A ball.  Time for you to take the next step.

Katie: Yeah, well go ahead and lower your expectations of me.  I don't understanding why you're always so pushy with me.  Get the fuck on my team.  You're Team Katie.  Whatever Katie wants, you support.  That's the rule.


Tom: Like you were on my team when I wanted to work in the oil yards?

Katie:  That idea was stupid.  Just lower your expectations of me.  They are ridiculous.  Besides, I have completely focused on my career for a long time.  Now I'm focused on the rest of my life.  I'm trying to get my dating up to 4A.

Tom:  Katie, let's be serious.  You're not even a 1A in dating.  Let's just go ahead and master this level first.  I'm on your team.  Master 1A.

And I realized, once again, that you get out exactly what you put in.



For a long time I put 100% effort into my career.  Guess what I got out...lots and lots and lots out of my career.

Shifting my focus.

Where are you putting your effort?
Do you have aspects of your life that are falling short?
Perhaps it's because it's not your focus.

You're welcome.  I can impart my wisdom anytime.  I just need to learn each lesson 6 or 7 hundred times first.

I've been dating someone.  I know!  It's been a couple of months.  I know!  How exciting, right?  The beginning...those looks...first kisses...that getting to know one another.  So cute.  Such good stuff.  I know!

But before you start playing "Katie's Fight Song," and send the cheerleaders and trombones...I think it's done.

Awe.  Sad face.  (I know I haven't written in a while but remember that italic is your voice)

It was good for a bit.
I'm pretty attracted to him.
He has my same dry, sarcastic sense of humor.
He's smart.
He knows how to work on cars.
He has a house that doesn't look like a bachelor pad.
He has kids, which I'm cool with but...

HE. IS. SO. BORING.
I am really debating on whether I should be posting this because what if he finds out?!  We won't tell him.  Please continue so I can continue cringing on my couch while reading about your life. 

At first I thought he was just a boring texter...Here are two examples of our conversations.  That's every single conversation for the past 3 months, not kidding.



So, ok, not everybody can be as freakin' hilarious as I am when texting.  Katie, you're not hilarious and those aren't THAT boring. 

Just trust me.  Tiffany read through all of them and said she almost fell asleep.

So, we keep hanging out.  Ya know what, he's pretty damn boring in person too.  He never asks about me.  He only talks about him...in a boring way...with no inflection in his voice.  I feel like I'm more passionate about my morning breakfast than he is about his own kids.


Katie, maybe he's just not that in to you.  Yeah, you could be right but I think he IS kinda in to me, as least as in to me as I am to him.

You know when he's not boring?  When we're making out but that's honestly not the most exciting thing ever.

Today we talked on the phone for the first time.  Yes, our "relationship" is so 21st Century-text or hang out, nothing else.  So, he was on a long drive and I told him we could take our relationship to the next level and talk on the phone.  You said that?  You're so embarrassing. 


I didn't say exactly that but he did call.

We were on the phone for 13 minutes.  13 lllllllloooooooonnnnnnnnnnggggggggg minutes.

Conversation:
Me: Hi, how's your drive!
Him: Long
Me: Oh, well how was your weekend?
Him: Fine.  On Saturday I went to the hospital because my friend cut dropped a table on his foot. (please read this with the most monotone voice possible)
Me:  Oh my gosh!  That's terrible!  That was really nice of you to be there for him.  Was it broken or just stiches or what?  (please read this with the most non monotone voice possible).
Him:  Stiches.
(Silence)
Me:  So, my weekend was good (because you didn't ask).
(I continue to tell him about my weekend and I don't even remember the rest of our conversation because it was super lame)

13 minutes.  13 long minutes later, we said good-bye.

And that, my friends, was the straw.  Consider that back broken.  Peace out Mr. Boring.  I just can't handle it.


On to the next...I have a real live blind date-as in, I haven't even see a picture of him, that a friend is setting me up on tomorrow.

Ok, I'm ready.  I'm ready for you to talk your !@#$ about how I need to give him more time (really? more than 3ish months?!), how I'm too picky (and I SHOULD really date people who put me to sleep).  Go ahead, I can handle it.  OR you could just be Team Katie because you're MY friends and your ALWAYS supposed to be on my team ;)

PS.  If you totally wanna set me up with "the perfect guy for me" but are afraid that I'll write about him, I'll go ahead and sign the "Non Disclosure Agreement" ;)

My first blog of 2015!  Actually my first blog in months.  Time to dust off these fingers and get back to it.  I went on sabbatical from my blog for a bit because I didn't think I had anything to say that you'd wanna read but !@#$ it.  I'm writing anyway.  Either, I'll write and you'll slowly taper off from reading because too many posts in a row suck or I'll find a way to get funny.


And for tonight's delight, I'll attempt to become a food blogger.  Is that what they're called?  Recipe blogger?  Whatever, below there will be food...and a recipe.  In case you're about to dig into your phone or computer, there won't be actual food on my blog, just a picture.  We're clear?  Good.

Tonight the dinner I made was AH-MAZE-BALLS.  Yes, imagine giant balls of amazing.  That was dinner.  It's probably my new favorite thing.

Here's the slight problem, I only kinda used a recipe.  So, if I go to recreate it, it might suck because I'm not entirely sure what I did.

So...if you choose to use this recipe, use at your own risk because I'm guessing on some of the measurements.

• 1 good sized spaghetti squash
• 2 minced cloves of garlic
• 1 and a 1/2 ish diced green peppers <--- there were 2 but I threw away some pieces because it looked a little old
• Some olive oil
• 1 1/2 small diced onions
• 1/2 of a jalapano diced 
• 1 thingy of turkey meat
• 1 can corn-drained
• 1 can black beans-drained and rinsed  
• Some cilantro 
• 1 avocado
• Cheddar Cheese
• Cumin
• Garlic Salt