Do elephants live in the various rooms of your life?
In our family, we always talked about the big pink elephants in the room. My mom used to tell me burying things would make you physically ill and I think I believe it. There were no unsaid words. They were discussed, and then it was done.
I feel like one of the missions of my life is to make people talk about their shit.
When my best friend and I started being roommates I'd piss her off for things (probably because I talked too much) and she'd get mad. I'd make her "just have the conversation." Now, she gets so mad at people who won't address things with her. "Katie, it's so annoying. We just need to talk about it and get it over with."
Do you hold grudges?
I think people hold grudges when there are unsaid words. What do you think?
People used to get upset or uncomfortable that my brother and I would argue and I will admit that it was quite ridiculous and immature at times but I will also say this, there were never any unsaid words. Albeit there were some hurt feelings and we have learned (often times still learning) how to say what we mean without being mean. That's it. No grudges. No hard feelings. We talked out it in a raw and real way. We might cry (mostly I cry) but then we move the f!@# on and our relationship is unbreakable.
When was the last time you were passive aggressive to someone-your spouse, your child, your coworker?
Long ago I worked with a woman, who is now a very good friend of mine, and I knew she was mad at me. She was super short with me and wouldn't talk to me. Finally, I went into her office, closed the door and told her I wasn't leaving until she told me why she was pissed. She cried. I cried. We talked and we were fine.
Trust the relationship and have the conversation.
I feel like it's cliche to say, "Communication is the key," but I'm amazed at how many people are unwilling to have the conversations. I believe that's why marriages fail, therapists make tons of money, and why most arguments occur. People don't communicate.
I know it's uncomfortable. What if you have the conversation and it severs the relationship? Well, then, is that a relationship you want in your life? One where you can't be 100% real?
