Well, do they?

I know one princess who wears hiking boots.  Fire and ice, piss and vinegar, sugar and spice...and everything wonderful, my niece, Ms. Liliana Cartier...but to me, she's just Daisy Goose.

I have met a lot of kids in my life but, never, have I met a girl with a greater mix of characteristics.  She's a complete dichotomy...with the best mixed personality traits in the world.

Meticulously Clean
While we were in the Antigua airport she got a baby wipe and wiped down every surface of the airport.  Tops of tables, all the chairs, and when she tried to do under the table Mom stopped her.  "Why don't you do the windows instead Lily.  Here I'll give you another baby wipe," and Lily promptly takes it and climbs her Aunt like a jungle gym to get the middle of the window.


Disgusting
If you ask Lily about her favorite things she will tell you...
Eyeballs
Fake poop
She steals my phone and makes videos of herself pretending to throw up

What a strange Bird!

Willing to Speak her Mind
We are all walking to the beach one day and she very firmly says, "Mom!  Aunt Katie keeps calling me Daisy Goose and I don't like that and I told her to stop and she won't!"  Aunt Katie, who is one foot away from her says, "Lily, I call you that because I love you and that's my nickname for you."
"Well I don't like it!" she exclaims all but stomping her foot.

Sidenote: We had a private conversation later and made an agreement that I could call her Daisy Goose in her birthday books and "only a few times in a whisper."


Another day we were playing dolls and we finished up and I went down the hall, or at least I thought we were finished.  She walks up, hands on her hips, "Aunt Katie. I'm upset! And you know who I'm upset with?  You!"
"You are?" I reply chuckling to myself, "Why?"
"Because.  Dad pways babies WAY longer than YOU"
"I mean, how you do you know that?  You can't tell time."
"I know.  All we did was drive in the car with them and that's it!"
"Well, actually, we brushed all their hair and got them dressed, we loaded each one in the car and all their food and toys, we fed them, we got to the camp site, we put band-aids on them, and then we got out of the car and we took a nap.  I feel like the babies did a lot and I played for a long time."
"Well you didn't.  Dad does more than that."

I scoop that girl up...Oh, that strong willed little girl certainly has my heart.

Girly Girl
She LOVES to have her nails painted and wear dresses.  One day, a random Tuesday, Danielle said she could wear a dress but not a fancy one.  She comes out in a beautiful, VERY fancy, flower girl dress.
"Mom, I got one." "
Lily, I thought we said not too fancy?"
"This isn't fancy.  I have to wear it." she says as she puts on her medal, her beads, and her purse.


No Emotion
I'm having a conversation with Danielle and her sister.  "Yeah, Lily, never shows emotion when she is happy or thankful for something."  I am floored.  What?  What do you mean?  I have never noticed it.  Danielle says, "Oh, she totally doesn't.  Watch her."

The next day I took her to get new earrings.  She went back and forth about whether to match mom's color or get pink.  She finally decided on pink and we got them in her ears.  No thank you from Lily.  Now, if you've ever been around my sister-in-law with her kids, you know that they are expected to say thank you almost before they receive the item.  Say it, write it, call, Facetime.  They ALWAYS say thank you and if they happen to forget, all their mother has to say is, "Excuse me?"  (Hashtag: best mom ever) and they abruptly come back with a huge thank you and hug for whatever they received.

So, back to Lily's earrings.  I wondered if she liked her earrings.  I mean, we spent a lot of time in that store if she hated them.  I said, "Do you like your earring?"  Without looking at me she said a dismissive, "Yes."  I say, "What do you say?"  She quickly says, "Thank you," and we move on.  I honestly wondered if she just didn't like them but I was assured by her mother that she loved them.

No emotion.

I'm still baffled.

Obsessive Compulsive Four Year Old
We're at the water park and it's time to go.  The park is closing but we have to wait.  Lily is rearranging about 20 chairs, lining each one of them up and we can't go until she has done EACH one.

Danielle tells me that when Lily gets in trouble, the worst thing that can happen is Danielle taking away the things she puts in neat rows-her seashell collection, her dolls.

Lover of Life
You know those moments where you catch yourself thinking, "I hope I never forget this."  I watch her tiny body climb up on the bow of the boat amongst a backdrop of crystal blue water and yell as loud as she can, "ONEEEEEEE, TWOOOOO, FREEEEEEEE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX," and she jumps into the ocean with a giant smile!  Some kids always jump on three but Lily jumps on whatever number makes her happy.



I used to say, simply, Philip looks more like his dad but has the personality of his mom and Lily looks more like her mom but has the personality of her dad...but I don't think it's ever that simple.

These kids...my favorite children, are each, in their own way, the perfect combination of Tom and Danielle.  I'm such a broken record because I say it all the time but those two are raising kids that people LOVE to be around.

And to you, my favorite Daisy Goose (remember, we agreed that I could call you that sometimes).  It's never a wonder why people fall in love with those golden eyes, blond curls and giant personality. You're simply perfect...perfectly you.   You are going to change the world Liliana and I'm so excited that I get to watch you do it.

I love you bigger than the sky.

I'm writing this blog for three reasons...
1.  Tom says, on a regular basis, "You know what your blog needs?  More stories about me." #realmature
2.  It's National Siblings Day
3.  I'm so bad at so many areas of my life but in sibling relationships, I excel-we excel. Here are some lessons I have learned along the way.

10 Things I Know for Sure...

10.  Laugh
My brother has an incredible ability to make every situation funny.

His very best friend, Hank, died last weekend and he's so sad.  He misses his boy so much and as I talked to him on the phone, through his tears, he says, "We're getting Hank cremated and we're going to sprinkle him at the beach.  How embarrassing.  We're so white that we are getting our dog cremated and taking a trip to sprinkle his ashes."

9.  Make Friends
Watching him talk to people still amazes me.

Tom makes new friends everywhere he goes.  He's genuinely interested in everyone, makes conversations and people love him.  It's impressive.

Some people are good at making quick friends but not that great at keep those around for a long time.  My brother still has such close relationships with his friends that, even though he's not on social media (except when he hijacks mine), at least seven of his closest guys called or text him on the day Hank died-speaks volumes of those relationships.


8.  Talk
We talk about everything...everything.

Scared you're never going to get married?  Let's talk about it.
You're too fat?  Let's talk about it (and then he takes on the job as my Life Coach and makes me go for a run)
You want a new job?  Let's talk about it.
You're pissed at me?  Let's talk about it.
Your story is boring?  Let him know ;)

We are real-ALL. THE. TIME.

7.  Fight
Fight it out.  Figure it out.  Move on.  I have lots of other blogs like this but at the end of the day, we learned to "put it all out there," from our Mom.

Sometimes I think I fight the most with the people I trust the most to be there.  I have been wrong about this in the past but with Tom, it's always true.  I know that he is, probably subconsciously, this way with me.  He knows that no matter what he says or how shitty he is, I will be there-always.

6.  Have Fun
I don't know anyone who can make a trip to the grocery store or gas station as fun as my brother.  He invents games like impromptu volleyball in the middle of the asile, "Here's $3, go and buy something for me that I will love (in the Dollar Store)," and once he posted an ad that I was selling a goal on Craig's List (remember that one ;) ).

Tom Cartier is the happiest person I know and can have fun anywhere.  He never takes anything too seriously.  I think we could all use a little more of that.


5.  Speak Silently
Your childhood shapes who you are.  Next to me in the back seat, sharing the 20 piece of chicken nuggets and McDonald Land Cookies because Mom said, "It's a waste of money to buy the Happy Meal," was my brother.  We drew pretend lines to divide the back seat in half and learned how to fight silently so Dad didn't "pull that car over."

And now... so many years later, some of our best conversations are silent-a secret language that we can perfected.

4.  Show Up
Show up to Skype with the kids when:
- Get new earrings
- Lose their dogs
- Take a big test
- Have a hard homework question
- Need to read a book
- Their aunt just needs to see their faces
Show up for Grandma and Grandpa's funerals.
Show up for big birthdays.
Show up for baby showers.
Make the phone calls.
Send the texts.
Show up.

I always show up for him and he always shows up for me-for our family.  Every single time.  If we have to rearrange schedules to make it happen, we make it happen.


3.  Laugh...again
It's that important.  My loudest laughs come from conversations with my brother.  He's my kind of funny.

2.  Speak in Tongues
It's that part of a relationship, with anyone, the best?  Where 85% of your conversation is in those inside jokes-the things you only say to each other and usually don't even realize you're saying because it's just so much a part of that relationship.

- Rotten fruit - Clear your history - Aside from the number of people in the Niagra Falls area, have you ever been laid by anyone around here? - Hi Dolphin - Your team - Hashtag Disneyfit - Max, calm down - What you're doing is socially unacceptable - Keepin it gangsta - Call Kevin - Vienna sausages - Losers quote-try again tomorrow - awkward family photos - unintentional porn - get on my team! - Tropical Sno - Eddies - "Did you just try and punch me?" - In 1814, we took a little trip... - Di-nee-land - 1/2 D.

1.  Support for Life
Life can get hard and get lonely sometimes.  It's nice to know that, no matter what, I will ALWAYS have someone in my corner-even if I do have to remind him to get on my team sometimes.

To my first friend and first enemy, Happy Siblings Day!

You, my brother, are my favorite human; the funniest person I know and the best dad I have ever seen.   

When I was 17 years old I wrote a paper for a psychology class I took in high school about Euthanasia.  At that time I presented both sides of the topic but, ultimately, supported Dr. Kevorkian.

It's a hot topic.  Brittany Maynard.  It's a controversial topic but hey, we (I'm not sure who "we" is other than me) never shy away from controversy here.  So, let's talk about it.

Today, I feel the same...multiplied by a thousand.  I fully support Brittany Maynard.  I hope this legislation is passed in more states for the following reasons...

1.  It's Not Suicide
Suicide is someone who is making the choice to end his or her life.  People whose death is imminent are not CHOOSING to die.  Don't tell me that people at the end stages of brain cancer should "wait for a miracle."  That's ridiculous.  I mean, really, how many doctors and nurses would tell you that those people on their deathbeds got up and went home and lived full lives by some miracle.  I'm pretty sure the cases are almost zero.


2.  For the Loved Ones 
Have you ever watched someone die?  No?  It's the worst thing you can imagine.

As the Hospice Nurse sat us down and said, "If she starts to bleed out at any point, just start pumping her full of morphine," I replied to the very Catholic woman, "Are you fucking kidding?  Could that happen?"  She told us it was unlikely and thank God it didn't happen.

In fact, in the grand scheme of things, her death process was "easy."  I, obviously, say that dripping with sarcasm because it was a version of Hell I hope I never experience again but I know people who had it worse.  The loved ones of people with brain cancer, for instance.  That's an ugly one.

But ours was no walk in the park, that's for sure. Watching someone who was once the most vibrant person in your world lose all her muscle tone, have to be carried, and have moments where she would not remember the name of her own daughter is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

There is nothing was worse than the sound of death knocking at the door and I mean the actual sound.  Death rattle is what they call it.  You can Google that one.  It would be chilling to watch on television but when it's your own kin, it's worse-if there is a worse.  It took me a lot of years to get that sound out of my head and I'd put money on the fact that there are members of my immediate family who can still hear it.

So, for the people who watch death, I support euthanasia.
For my father, whose final memories of his wife are not peaceful, but ugly.
For myself and my brother, who, even in our twenties were way too young to have to remember their mom is such an awful state.
For the constant memories that took years to go out of our heads, I support Euthanasia.


3.  For God
"God will decide the right time to die." To me, this argument holds no water.  If people truly believed that, then they would not accept emergency medical attention to save lives.  God is not medically intervening there, doctors are.

God gives us lots of decision making power, in all things.  This is one of them.
God has a plan.  I believe that.  However, how do you know THIS is not God's Plan for that person?


4.  For Life
Something I can't stand is trying to chemo the fuck out of people who are dying.  They are dying.  Let them live life to the absolute fullest, feeling great, and then let them die...gracefully, in whatever way they choose.


5.  For the Patients
When should they get a say?  My mother was a good Catholic woman who may not have chosen that option, given the choice, but SHE should get to choose.  Her body.  Her imminent death.  Her decision.

And as with most things...politics and such, I live somewhere in the middle.
I can see the other side.  I have read your thoughts and I understand your words but I disagree.

Where do you stand?  Don't worry, we can still be friends...if you're cool with it ;)

My nephew is smart.
Not a little bit smart, freakin brilliant.


I wouldn't be surprised if he made it into MENSA.  Do you "make it" into MENSA?  Is it even called MENSA?  Those super smart people?
Obviously, he doesn't take after his aunt in intelligence ;) 

His parents would never mention it because they would sound like they were bragging but I don't give a !@#$.  I'll mention it.
Real mature Katie. 

I said it when he was so small..."This kid is WAY beyond his years with his knowledge."  Tom and I argue over how he got that smart.  He thinks he was born that way.  I think it's because he was read to every single day since the day he was born.  Who's right?
Obviously you are Katie.  You're always right.  
Thanks Blog Crew, I agree!

Discussing which planets we could go to and not got to based on their temperature when he was two years old.
Reading that same year
Chapter books starting in Kindergarten
Flying through at least a book a day today...the boy is a literary genius.


Last week we decided to have a Skype Book Club.

I said, "What book should we read?"
"Um, how bout Captain Underpants Number 11?"
"Um, how bout no?  Can we think of a different book?
"Why," he says obviously annoyed that I don't value his favorite books.
"Well, Philip, I just am not sure I'll understand #11 if I haven't read 1-10.  Besides, perhaps we can push your reading a bit since you read Captain Underpants in a day.  I heard of a book called How to Ear Fried Worms.  What about that?"

Dad (Tom) pipes in, "What?! That sounds like a great book!  I wanna read that!"
(Silent high five to Dad for giving his stamp of approval)

So, it was settled.  We were reading How to Eat Fried Worms.

Amazon Prime = My best friend.
Book is there in 2 days, 1st Book Club Meeting 2 days later.

I wish I could have taken a picture of him when he Skyped me.
There he is, laying on the ground with his face in his hands, and a giant smile full of those 6 year old teeth that are still a bit too big for his mouth-the cutest thing ever.


"Aunt Katie, I CAN'T BELIEVE HE ATE A NIGHT CRAWLER!  That's disgusting and WHY was he dancing around all crazy like he really liked them?!"

We continue with our "meeting," with my mouth agape because I can't even process the fact that this first grader is comprehending and responding to this book and his excitement level is contagious...and 3 minutes later we finish up.

Lessons from Book Club Meeting #1:
That boy is so smart.

Our next push is the nuances of language (ie: Billy coaxed his dogs into the igloo. <---- "What do you think this sentences means Philip?"  He says, "I have no idea."  "Do you really think they live in a real igloo?"  "Yes, I do."  So...we will work on that part.

He's still only 6 so our "meetings" only last 3 minutes max.

Forever and ever I will have a very special bond with this boy.  I don't know what it is but just thinking about him brings tears to my eyes.


Hashtag: A love like that
Hashtag: Be still my swollen heart

3 Things Before You Read...
1.  I know that preposition doesn't belong there
2.  Yes, it's bothering me too
3.  I guess it was just those 2 things

I had a hilarious/kinda serious conversation with Tom today.  If my blog every gets famous and you don't actually know me personally, Tom is my brother.   Katie, go ahead and exhale.  It's still just us reading. 

Katie:  So, we have talked about you for long enough.  Time to talk about me.

Tom:  Ok, we talked about me for 11 minutes and 21 seconds.  You get 4 minutes.  Go.

Katie: I know I said I was going to apply for Assistant Principal positions next year but I decided I really love my job, have a lot more to learn and want to stay right where I am.

Tom: Katie, why?  I don't understand why the hell you would go to school, get a bunch of debt and not apply for a job that was going to pay more."

Katie: Tom, I never went into this job for the money.

Tom: I'm just saying, you're playing 3A and I'm waiting for you to jump into 4A ball.  Time for you to take the next step.

Katie: Yeah, well go ahead and lower your expectations of me.  I don't understanding why you're always so pushy with me.  Get the fuck on my team.  You're Team Katie.  Whatever Katie wants, you support.  That's the rule.


Tom: Like you were on my team when I wanted to work in the oil yards?

Katie:  That idea was stupid.  Just lower your expectations of me.  They are ridiculous.  Besides, I have completely focused on my career for a long time.  Now I'm focused on the rest of my life.  I'm trying to get my dating up to 4A.

Tom:  Katie, let's be serious.  You're not even a 1A in dating.  Let's just go ahead and master this level first.  I'm on your team.  Master 1A.

And I realized, once again, that you get out exactly what you put in.



For a long time I put 100% effort into my career.  Guess what I got out...lots and lots and lots out of my career.

Shifting my focus.

Where are you putting your effort?
Do you have aspects of your life that are falling short?
Perhaps it's because it's not your focus.

You're welcome.  I can impart my wisdom anytime.  I just need to learn each lesson 6 or 7 hundred times first.

Diana's Bananas
Get them now.  It's pure deliciousness with very few ingredients and pretty low cal!


My Water Filter
You know how you know it's time for a new water filter?  It's when the fridge is blinking that you need a new water filter and your water tastes like garbage.  So I got one, about 6 months after that began.
My water is blissful now.

Just to be clear, my water doesn't dispense lemons, but that would be awesome

Texting
Remember when you used to have to actually communicate with people on the phone?  Phew, glad that era is over.
Also, not to put a damper on the positivity but what I'm hating is Speaker Phone.  Dear Every Single Person I Know, You never need to put me on speaker phone.  Ever.  No, it doesn't sound the same.  Yes, I can tell.  This was my conversation with my friend the other day:
Me: I can't hear you
Her: Oh, is that better?
Me: Yeah, was I on speaker.
Her: Yeah and I had my phone sitting on the seat next to me.
Me: Brilliant way to have a conversation.  Let's never do that again.


Amazon Prime
"I really want ________________ (fill in any product).  They have that at Target (4.5 miles from my house).  Eh, I just got home and it's 111 degrees.  I guess I don't need it right this minute and could wait for 2 days.  (Order on Amazon Prime)."


Growing Kids
Oh, you didn't think I posted enough pictures, on Facebook, of my niece and nephew either?  Ok, ok, here's a few more.  I had the BEST girls trip with Danielle and Lily.  I couldn't have asked for better houseguests (not that they are actually guest, they're family, but they were awesomeballs).   It was so much fun to get to know Lily as just Lily, without her brother.  We had some good, good bonding moments.  Then, I couldn't believe how big and cool Philip had gotten.  "Philip, Aunt Katie can't wait to nuggle with you all night!"  He replies, "Well...Aunt Katie, I need my space."  What?! When did he get so old?!


In looking through my phone I found several pictures of things I wanted to blog about.  I am certain you'll be on the edge of your seat for the following upcoming blogs:

- Salad Box
- Patterns of Self Destruction
- Yo B!@#$, You Beautiful
- The Power of Popsicles

Conversations that help you realize new things.

Today I would like to appreciate God for 53 birthdays we had my mom.


See, I truly believe he didn't really want her on this Earth for a long time.

From the time she was a baby, he kept trying to take her back to Heaven.

When she was tiny, tiny she spiked this fever that was so high it burned her teeth.  He wanted her that day, but left her here on Earth.

Years later, the next thing happened...
My mom was 8 years old and dressed in the same clothes as her cousin.  Someone sent her out for something from the store.  She walked along some old train tracks, where trains rarely came.  Well, wouldn't you know it...a train started coming.  She was on a bridge...a train track and had nowhere to go.  She was 8 years old and so scared.

The next part of this story was told to her by her mom and a nurse (who happened to be the train conductor's wife)...

She jumped and landed in a ravine but on a large piece of cement.  She broke all of her ribs, was given her Last Rights and pronounced dead at the hospital.

The next part of this story, she rarely told because, in her words, "Katie, it makes me sound crazy."  She swears she didn't jump.  She has said, since the moment she finally woke up in the hospital that "my Guardian Angel pushed me."  When she was unconscious in the hospital she says she saw lots of people in a brightly lit area (almost like a hallway).  She wasn't scared because even though she didn't know who they were, she knew them.  She said they told her, "You have to go back Peggy.  It's not your time yet."

Eventually my mom healed and God did not keep her that time.  A massive scar, minus 1 Spleen, and lots of internal damage later; she healed after she had been pronounced dead.

(She did earn the family name of Bless Her Heart by her brother who was a little annoyed that she kept trying to die so nobody ever cared that she was such a bully to her brother)


Years later she saw some pictures of people and said to her mom, "Who is that?  I know that person."  Her mom smiled and replied, "Peggy, that's my brother and he died long before you were born.  You don't know him."  She said, with conviction, "Yes, I know him.  He was there when I had my accident." This happened several more times with other family members she had never met.

And so that little girl grew up, met the love of her life and bore 2 children .

Then, in 1987 she got sick, very sick.
She stopped breathing one night.  An ambulance was called and off she and her husband went to the hospital while the neighbor sat with her soundly sleeping children.

She got sicker and sicker with pneumonia and because she didn't have a Spleen, it was a bit worse.
In fact near death...again.

But then...she got better...again.  God left her for us, again.

She taught school.  She raised kids.  And her kids went off to college and the Navy.

And then she was diagnosed with cancer and the prognosis wasn't good.  Chemo and radiation, numerous stays in the Intensive Care Unit with dangerously low white blood cell counts, we got ready to say good-bye.

But then...she got better...again.


She danced with her son on the day he wed the woman of his dreams, her new daughter-in-law.  She reminded her daughter that no matter what, she would be there.  She took a road trip with her soulmate and recaptured absolute magic.  She visited family and friends, near and far.  She assured her parents, both sets, that they would be fine.

And then she got sick again and the doctors told her that this time, she wouldn't be getting better.

And on October 23, 2007...she died.


And in my head, this time all of those same people that once lined that lighted area when she was 8 years old were there again and this time they said, "Ok, we're ready for you now.  You did a great job and they'll be just fine."  God was standing at the end and said, "I need you now.  I can't wait anymore and you can rest easy, they'll be just fine."



Thanks for all the birthdays you kept her here God.  Hope you're celebrating her today, up there.