I'm going to be vaguish.
Katie, you know how to be vague?  I thought you only knew how to overshare?

I'm going to attempt to be vague.

Short Story
1.  I was dating Boring Guy from this post.  This is a post that I originally wrote, let you read, re-thought, hid, just re-opened and may hide again ;)

2.  I was over it.  It wasn't going anywhere.

3.  I wasn't really over it.  Maybe it was going somewhere?  He's definitely not boring.  He's pretty funny.  Maybe it just took him a bit to open up?

4.  We kept hanging out.

5.  I definitely wasn't over it and was pretty in to him.

6. It was moving at a snail's pace...and still not really going anywhere

7.  I was over it.

8.  We kept hanging out.

9.  I'm 99% sure it's not going anywhere

10.  I'm a wee bit sad about it and I guess it's really over.
LPIMH: I'M TOO OLD FOR THIS !@#$
Katie, you ARE too old for this.
To anyone who was actually thinking that...Punch, you know why!


So, there you have it...me, being vague.



Things I've Learned:
1.  If you want your friends to like the guy you like, don't post a !@#$ty blog about it because they will keep bringing up how you really don't like him which I appreciate because my friends are Team Katie all the way but then I have to convince them that I just had Word Vomit (I capitalized it because I feel like it's probably a real medical condition?) and I really DO like him.

I was talking to my aunt/stand-in-mother/ASS (It stands for Aunt Super Suzanne.  I gave her that name.  The whole family calls her ASS.  Katie Cartier: 1 The Rest of the World: 0...Um, we are currently reading your blog about how you liked a guy and he didn't like you back.  So, no, Katie Cartier: 1...no)

Anyway, she says, "Remember when you used to tell that one friend something about the guy and then she hated him because she was your friend?  Well, now you blog about it and everyone hates him.  Good job."   Hashtag: real mature katie

Stand Strong Team Katie, just like in Middle School.  I hate someone.  You hate them too.  Every. Time.


Just FYI, "we" don't HATE Boring Guy (he's not boring anymore but we can just call him that), we just wish he was more in to dating me that he is right now (<--- I know I said "right now" as if it's going to change.  Katie, it's not going to change.  Let it go.  Ugh, I knoooooowwww.  Hashtag: sad face

2.  Trust your instincts...I don't know if I really trust my instincts but I think that's good advice for people reading my blog.


I'd like to end on a positive note so you don't feel bad for me.
Feel bad for you?  !@#$.  This is my entertainment.  I think it's hilar.  Hilar from the comfort of my bed next to my husband. 

Here's the positive note...
In the past week 4, yes 4, people talked to me about my blog telling me they really laughed out loud and got excited when I posted new things.  What!?!?
LPIMH:  Who even cares that Boring Guy isn't that in to me.  My blog is funny.  Nothing else matters.  Lie.  More Matters but "funny blog" is the best thing I have heard in weeks!  Love.  Love.

There's a pile of clean laundry on my couch.  It's pretty big-5 loads worth.  I should do something with it.  I should.

How do you accumulate so much laundry Katie?  
You're embarrassing.  Fold your damn clothes.  

I can't.  I need to tell you about something...

I need to tell you about the Emotional Bank Account.  Do you know about it?

Yes, Katie, we ALL know about it because you freakin' talk about it all the time-my family and work friends
No, Katie, you're so wise, and we can't wait to read all about it-everyone else. 

It's from the book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Basically, we all have an EBA.  Perhaps you know it as your love tank?  Your bucket?

Anyway, the deal is that if you make a withdrawl (ie: negative comment, tough conversation, etc) you need to make lots of deposits (ie: kind words, acts of service) to "fill it up."


I need everyone to know about this EBA so that if I say, "That was a withdrawl," you'll know what I'm talking about.

Here's a funny story.
Katie, you can't tell us a story is funny before you tell it.

I work with a lady. She's kinda like our work mom...if your definition of mom is the lady who yells at you each day.  ;)  "I don't yell.  I'm Italian and Irish.  That's how we talk," she'd say.  I love this woman. If I'm not diligently working on my actual job, I'm sitting in her office shootin' the shit, where everyone sits.

Anyway, we have a tendency to talk a lot of shit to each other get in disagreements from time to time.  So, one day I talk her about the EBA and the next morning I said, "Too many withdrawls, too early." The day went on and she continue to rob my bank account so I said, "I need a deposit, right now.  You're overdrafted."  She picks up a brownie I made, took a bite and said, "Did you make these?"
I said, "Yes."  She said, "Well they're not that bad.  There.  There's your deposit.  Now, shut up."  <--- She didn't say shut up.  I added it to more the story more interesting.

Perhaps I should clarify what a deposit looks and sounds like ;)

My goal is to keep things in a pretty good balance with all the people in my world.  Sometimes it's a little harder than other times, especially with my closest friends because we are honest to a fault.

However, the other day I sent a group text to some of my best gals.  Now, these are the same people who will literally rip on my clothes for a hour and not bat an eyelash, "Katie do each pair of your shorts have a sewn in cuff."
"Those are the ones they sell!"
"Yep, they sell those right next to the ones without the sewn in cuff."
The other whore best friend pipes in with, "Yes, she wears them with a button down shirt, maybe one with three buttons at the top and her cardigan."

Anyway, have I painted a clear enough picture of what bitches how honest these girls are?

But when it counts, we are all in with the deposits.  Right there with the right words to pick me up, help dust me off and get back on the horse.

3 Things Before You Read...
1.  I know that preposition doesn't belong there
2.  Yes, it's bothering me too
3.  I guess it was just those 2 things

I had a hilarious/kinda serious conversation with Tom today.  If my blog every gets famous and you don't actually know me personally, Tom is my brother.   Katie, go ahead and exhale.  It's still just us reading. 

Katie:  So, we have talked about you for long enough.  Time to talk about me.

Tom:  Ok, we talked about me for 11 minutes and 21 seconds.  You get 4 minutes.  Go.

Katie: I know I said I was going to apply for Assistant Principal positions next year but I decided I really love my job, have a lot more to learn and want to stay right where I am.

Tom: Katie, why?  I don't understand why the hell you would go to school, get a bunch of debt and not apply for a job that was going to pay more."

Katie: Tom, I never went into this job for the money.

Tom: I'm just saying, you're playing 3A and I'm waiting for you to jump into 4A ball.  Time for you to take the next step.

Katie: Yeah, well go ahead and lower your expectations of me.  I don't understanding why you're always so pushy with me.  Get the fuck on my team.  You're Team Katie.  Whatever Katie wants, you support.  That's the rule.


Tom: Like you were on my team when I wanted to work in the oil yards?

Katie:  That idea was stupid.  Just lower your expectations of me.  They are ridiculous.  Besides, I have completely focused on my career for a long time.  Now I'm focused on the rest of my life.  I'm trying to get my dating up to 4A.

Tom:  Katie, let's be serious.  You're not even a 1A in dating.  Let's just go ahead and master this level first.  I'm on your team.  Master 1A.

And I realized, once again, that you get out exactly what you put in.



For a long time I put 100% effort into my career.  Guess what I got out...lots and lots and lots out of my career.

Shifting my focus.

Where are you putting your effort?
Do you have aspects of your life that are falling short?
Perhaps it's because it's not your focus.

You're welcome.  I can impart my wisdom anytime.  I just need to learn each lesson 6 or 7 hundred times first.

I've been dating someone.  I know!  It's been a couple of months.  I know!  How exciting, right?  The beginning...those looks...first kisses...that getting to know one another.  So cute.  Such good stuff.  I know!

But before you start playing "Katie's Fight Song," and send the cheerleaders and trombones...I think it's done.

Awe.  Sad face.  (I know I haven't written in a while but remember that italic is your voice)

It was good for a bit.
I'm pretty attracted to him.
He has my same dry, sarcastic sense of humor.
He's smart.
He knows how to work on cars.
He has a house that doesn't look like a bachelor pad.
He has kids, which I'm cool with but...

HE. IS. SO. BORING.
I am really debating on whether I should be posting this because what if he finds out?!  We won't tell him.  Please continue so I can continue cringing on my couch while reading about your life. 

At first I thought he was just a boring texter...Here are two examples of our conversations.  That's every single conversation for the past 3 months, not kidding.



So, ok, not everybody can be as freakin' hilarious as I am when texting.  Katie, you're not hilarious and those aren't THAT boring. 

Just trust me.  Tiffany read through all of them and said she almost fell asleep.

So, we keep hanging out.  Ya know what, he's pretty damn boring in person too.  He never asks about me.  He only talks about him...in a boring way...with no inflection in his voice.  I feel like I'm more passionate about my morning breakfast than he is about his own kids.


Katie, maybe he's just not that in to you.  Yeah, you could be right but I think he IS kinda in to me, as least as in to me as I am to him.

You know when he's not boring?  When we're making out but that's honestly not the most exciting thing ever.

Today we talked on the phone for the first time.  Yes, our "relationship" is so 21st Century-text or hang out, nothing else.  So, he was on a long drive and I told him we could take our relationship to the next level and talk on the phone.  You said that?  You're so embarrassing. 


I didn't say exactly that but he did call.

We were on the phone for 13 minutes.  13 lllllllloooooooonnnnnnnnnnggggggggg minutes.

Conversation:
Me: Hi, how's your drive!
Him: Long
Me: Oh, well how was your weekend?
Him: Fine.  On Saturday I went to the hospital because my friend cut dropped a table on his foot. (please read this with the most monotone voice possible)
Me:  Oh my gosh!  That's terrible!  That was really nice of you to be there for him.  Was it broken or just stiches or what?  (please read this with the most non monotone voice possible).
Him:  Stiches.
(Silence)
Me:  So, my weekend was good (because you didn't ask).
(I continue to tell him about my weekend and I don't even remember the rest of our conversation because it was super lame)

13 minutes.  13 long minutes later, we said good-bye.

And that, my friends, was the straw.  Consider that back broken.  Peace out Mr. Boring.  I just can't handle it.


On to the next...I have a real live blind date-as in, I haven't even see a picture of him, that a friend is setting me up on tomorrow.

Ok, I'm ready.  I'm ready for you to talk your !@#$ about how I need to give him more time (really? more than 3ish months?!), how I'm too picky (and I SHOULD really date people who put me to sleep).  Go ahead, I can handle it.  OR you could just be Team Katie because you're MY friends and your ALWAYS supposed to be on my team ;)

PS.  If you totally wanna set me up with "the perfect guy for me" but are afraid that I'll write about him, I'll go ahead and sign the "Non Disclosure Agreement" ;)

My first blog of 2015!  Actually my first blog in months.  Time to dust off these fingers and get back to it.  I went on sabbatical from my blog for a bit because I didn't think I had anything to say that you'd wanna read but !@#$ it.  I'm writing anyway.  Either, I'll write and you'll slowly taper off from reading because too many posts in a row suck or I'll find a way to get funny.


And for tonight's delight, I'll attempt to become a food blogger.  Is that what they're called?  Recipe blogger?  Whatever, below there will be food...and a recipe.  In case you're about to dig into your phone or computer, there won't be actual food on my blog, just a picture.  We're clear?  Good.

Tonight the dinner I made was AH-MAZE-BALLS.  Yes, imagine giant balls of amazing.  That was dinner.  It's probably my new favorite thing.

Here's the slight problem, I only kinda used a recipe.  So, if I go to recreate it, it might suck because I'm not entirely sure what I did.

So...if you choose to use this recipe, use at your own risk because I'm guessing on some of the measurements.

• 1 good sized spaghetti squash
• 2 minced cloves of garlic
• 1 and a 1/2 ish diced green peppers <--- there were 2 but I threw away some pieces because it looked a little old
• Some olive oil
• 1 1/2 small diced onions
• 1/2 of a jalapano diced 
• 1 thingy of turkey meat
• 1 can corn-drained
• 1 can black beans-drained and rinsed  
• Some cilantro 
• 1 avocado
• Cheddar Cheese
• Cumin
• Garlic Salt

I can't believe I'm almost 2/3 of the way through this thing...

Some of these things are profound life lessons and some are about bananas.  Take what you want, learn what you will.  Your welcome for all this wisdom, about fruit, I am about to bestow upon you.

Also, here's the warning.  You're about to read a few things that might make you say, "Katie, that's unhealthy to do to your body."  To that I say, "The benefits are FAR outweighing the pitfalls and I am not going to die.  I promise I super take care of myself in the studio, laying down in Shavasana whenever I feel the need (and sometimes when I just get lazy)."


5.  Electrolytes 
Conversation with a girl at work (who, bt dub, had a baby like last week and has a six pack again):
Me: I need more electrolytes.  Google said so.  My sweat is like pure water, no salt and I'm getting dizzy. <--- Side serious note:  This was actually happening and it is dangerous so if you're gonna do 30 days, be a bit more prepared than I was.
Her:  You need to down some coconut water.
Me: Nope.  I'd rather pass out.  That shit's disgusting.
Her: It's so good.  Get the one with pineapple.
Me: No, that one is gross too.
Her:  How bout the one with orange?
Me: I'm never drinking it.  Ever. Ever.  And, also, I think you're kinda gross for drinking it (but in my head I was thinking: Is that the magic you drink to get that stomach?  If so, I may reconsider)

It tastes nothing like this picture makes it look. This looks like pina colada. It tastes like rotten fruit water

So, the yogis in the studio said I could get electrolyte tablets and take those.
Option 2: Emergen-C. Hashtag: sort of gross but stomachable <-- new word.
Option 3: Gatorade 2.  Hashtag: Low in calories and full of chemicals.

I'm doing, both, 2 & 3 only because I haven't been to the store to get the tablets.


4.  Bananas
When I first started, probably days 5-15, I would super crave a smoothie when I left.  I didn't know why but I think it was the sugar and also the potassium.  Apparently potassium is a very important thing and I'm not sure what else has potassium but bananas do so I have recently upped my banana intake.

It helps with the hand and foot cramps which were happening, BAD, on Days 13-15.  That was right up until I found out about the bananas.


3.  We Can Do So Much More Than We Think  
My brain wants me to quit way before my body.  I will seriously go into class saying, "I'm not doing Flow 3 today and I'm not doing 2nd set of Eagle," and then low and behold my body can keep going.  Our bodies can do so much more than we think they can.


2.  Stop Thinking
One of my instructors says, "You can't think and do yoga at the same time."

I have to remind myself to not get in my head.  Tomorrow morning I have to go to 5:30 am yoga, do my whole day, and teach at ASU.  Normally I'd let that start spinning me out of control but I'm not letting it.  1 thing at a time.  I can do this.  I do yoga every day and I love it.  So, get up and get there.  Done.  Stop thinking and do. When I would get all freaked out about eating or lifting my friend would say, "Stop thinking about it and just make it happen."

Not everything has to be a big deal.  In fact, most things aren't.

1.  Go Easy on Yourself
Doing yoga every single day ensures that I will not do great every time I go.  I feel like that's so much clearer as I'm doing it every single day than it was when I was working out 3 or 4 days a week.  Some days I'm so deep into Pigeon I feel like I can actually see my hips opening and other days I can hardly get down at all.  There are times that I am holding Warrior C and am actually sad when she says the next pose because I want to stay there all day and other days when I'm sure the other yogis can hear me audibly saying, "Fuck," multiple times as I fall out over and over again.

Alex, one of my very favorite instructors says, "It just yoga!"

Isn't that right with most stuff in our lives, "It's just _________________."  Re-freakin-lax.  Nothing goes perfect every time.


I seriously eff something up every single day and most days, I'm totally ok with that.  Yoga is teaching me to be more and more ok with it.  We fail.  We learn.  We do it again. <--- I want to do a little dancy jig here just to add emphasis.  Pretend I'm doing that right now.

So, lesson for the day: go easy on yourself.  I bet you did your personal best in most of the things you did today.  Good for you.  My yoga sucked and I was all over my mat today but I went and I Downward Dogged my way through class.    Good for me.  We got up and did our thing today.  Good for us.


Benefits so Far:
- I'm SO MUCH more flexible than I was before and since we store emotions in our bodies, I have let some of those go as well.
- I'm less tense and more relaxed.  My options to remedy my tension were either Zanax or Sumits, I chose Sumits.
- I'm stronger.  In 2 weeks, I notice a huge different in my Up-dog
- My skin is glowing.  It's soft as a baby's butt.  If your hands are really clean and we are close you can feel it if you see me.  If your hands are dirty and we don't know each other, I'd rather you don't touch my face.
- I think I'm slowwwwwly losing weight.  I can't be sure of this because I won't let myself get on the scale but I think I might be.
- My eating is totally under control.  I don't have those out of control times where I want/need to eat everything in sight.  I feel like I eat what I need and that's all.

Because I'm an all or nothing girl, I'm all in right now.  I'm doing 30 days in a row of Sumits (hot yoga)


In June I did really great at working out-swimming 3 days a week.



July, not so great.


August, didn't move my both once.


September, I think when you count cleaning your house as your only workouts, you're not working out enough at all.

October, whoops I'm fat again.  Weird. How did that happen?

Out to happy hour the second the kids leave shortly after school on Friday and walk past Sumits.  I walk in and get the card and some information.  It turns out that it's been so long since I've worked out there that they will let me do the 2 weeks for $20 again.  Awesome and how sad at the same time.

I go one day.  Then I decide to go the next day.  Then, I go the following day.  Then I'm in.  I decide that I'm all in and ready to rock 30 days in a row.


I text my sister-in-law, Danielle, who is a certified yoga instructor after Day 4 and tell her it was my worst yoga session ever.  She said, "That's the way it goes.  One day you're gonna be super strong and steady and the next day you'll fall over if the wind blows wrong."  It reminded me of when I was doing Crossfit.  I guess our body just flows that way.

Day 5 I bought a ridiculously expensive piece of rubber yoga mat and had my best session.

Day 6, today, was just ok.  Not terrible, not great, but I got up and I went so go me.

Now that I'm in, I feel like I NEED, not want, NEED some new yoga clothes.  I've been on the Lulu website multiple times a day.  And I'd like a new yoga towel because I don't like the color of mine. Right after I bought my new mat, I told Erica, my co-worker and yoga friend, "I'm going to reward myself every 5 days."  She replied, "Um, that's going to get expensive."  So, I'm going for some less expensive rewards.


Another "reward" I like to give myself is a Pumpkin Spice Latte from Whole Foods after yoga class.  The other day I "rewarded" myself with three breakfast tacos with a secret ingredient of hollandaise sauce on top.   Umm, I think we might be defeating the purpose here, but seriously, that PSL is the best thing in life. Hashtag: baby steps.  Hashtag: Katie you don't need rewards every time you do something good for your body.


I may need some, "You can do its" tomorrow and the next day in a few days.  I'd love some feedback if you've ever done a 30 day challenge and have some sage words of wisdom.


I'd not love some feedback if you're going to say, "That's too much.  Hot yoga isn't good for you. What about some moderation? " You know that's not how I work.  That's why you're still reading the damn blog called JOURNEY to the Healthiest Version of Me.  I haven't figured this shit out yet.

Until next time...Namaste.