Yeah you read that right.  Who am I with 3 date in 5 days?!  I am a girl who is bound and determined to find "him."  I waited and waited for him to show up at the door but the only man who comes knocking is the bug guy.  So, makin this happen this year!

Before I start we need to establish a rating scale from these men.  All the cool kids have rating scales. Two thumbs up, rotten tomatoes, hot peppers.

Here's the scale:

I made that scale in Word, in LD Elementary font.  Another reason you're single.  

So, to review.
Date #1-Skinsuit.  If you didn't read about that one, you can catch up here.

Onward to Date #2

Pre-Date:
Text dating posse.  We've named him Lasagna because his tag line (have I told you in the last 15 seconds how embarballs I am that I'm online dating?) is Italian something-or-other.

One of the DP (that's Dating Posse for short...and because I'm not exactly sure how to spell posse) said we could call him pancetta and then she went on to define for the rest of the group that pancetta is italian bacon.  In case you weren't sure as well.  Everybody knows that Katie.  Yeah, I know.

Date:  
We go to Half Moon.  It's game day.  Apparently people who watch football like to go to bars on game day.  It was PACKED.  We sat on the patio and everyone was smoking.  I was choking.  Anyway, Lasagna and I sat down.

First thing I noticed, gnarly mouth.
I almost imagine myself kissing them and when I pictured that one, it didn't give me a good feeling.  More like a bad feeling.

I feel like I could pick things about him apart like:
He was wearing a raggity Vans tee and he bit his fingernails down to the quick.  Ya know when the skin is growing over the top.  Eww.

However, at what point is it not funny and it just sounds bitchy?  And which time will it be that I describe a guy and a friend of Lasagna's reads my blog and tells him because it WILL happen.

In fact, side story...
Once a guy asked me on a date with my graphing calculator.  It was super cute but, being the b-word that I can be sometimes, I made fun of it to my other friend (I use the term friend loosely because he was actually HIS friend and not really mine).

Well, wouldn't you know it, he told him I was making fun and looked like a big B.  PS.  If you're reading this, which I know you are, thank you for telling him, she says in her most sarcastic voice.

I am a firm believer in Karma so I'm working to be funny without making fun...hmm, I'm really gonna have to work on that.  Now taking any tips.

Great.

I mean, yeah, those things about him were true but if I were in to him, if there had been a spark, I probably wouldn't have noticed.  I know I'm not perfect by any, any means.  I'm certain that if a man looked at my toes they would write a blog about me.

The last guy that gave me butterflies bit his nails bad but I didn't even care cause I had heart eyes for him.

Bottom line, Lasagna was a really nice guy, really nice but I wasn't that in to him.  Ahh, I miss butterflies.  Where are you Butterflies??


Rating:
2

Apparently here's how I get ready for a date...

1.  Text your "Dating Posse" (thank you Tiffany for coining that term)  that you have a date and await the obnoxious replies.

2.  Look for an outfit to wear.

3.  Find nothing acceptable and realize you don't any money to buy new clothes so drive to Ann Taylor Loft where you have a gift card.


4.  Try on 100 things and see that everything looks like garbage.

5.  Start crying in the dressing room.  #standard

6.  Stop and get 2 slices of pizza because the clothes didn't fit. #logical

7.  Consider canceling but think about the wrath you'll have to deal with if you tell your friends you cancelled

8.  Text the date to postpone for an hour.

9.  Race home, tear about your room, try on 100 more things and find 1 almost acceptable outfit.

10.  Spill on that outfit.

11.  Try on the rest of the clothes I own including a cover-up I thought I might be able to make work.

12.  Find 1 less acceptable but workable outfit.

13.  Write a blog about the craziness that if your dating life.

14.  Put on some lipstick and pull myself together.


15.  Leave for your date.

If I make you laugh from my dating debacles then, perhaps, these antics are worth it.  Right this second I'm not finding the humor in my own situation.

It's time to find my dating uniform.  I used to have my bar uniform.  Pretty much the same outfit but minor changes each time.

I had a date last night.  Can you even call it a date if you're just meeting someone for the first time?  For arguments sake, we'll call it a date.

Pre-Date...
I text my friends.  I wish I could post the message thread between the 4 of us up here but it's way too inapprope.

But here are some of the acceptable highlights.

Them: What are you wearing?
Me: (text a picture)
Them: Nice bobby pin.  Are you 11?
Them:  No, seriously.  You're wearing that bobby pin?
Me:  Yes, it keeps my hair back and it's cute.
Them:  Nope.  Take it out.

It's cute isn't it?

Date: 
Warning:  I already know part of the reason I'm single is because God punishes me for writing blogs that make fun of men.

Walking in to the bar and I see someone walking alone as well.
Me: Are you Bobby Pin*
Him: Yeah, I'm Bobby Pin.  Are you Katie?
Me: Yes

We go and sit at at table that wasn't in the bar.
LPIMH: Why aren't we sitting in the bar?  I'm not coming here for dinner.  This is a first meeting.

We each order a beer and start talking.

Here are some of the highlights.
Him: I don't really have any friends.  I actually got beat up every day from Kindergarten until high school.
LPIMH:  Hmmm and how very sad

Him:  I hate people.
Me: You hate people?
Him:  Yeah, I'm ok with a few individuals but most people are worthless.
LPIMH:  Hmmm

Him:  I don't have any furniture, mostly plastic crates in my house but my parents gave me some $10 pots and pans for Christmas.
LPIMH:  Hmmm

We stayed for 2 beers, which is 1 more than I would have preferred.

He was nice, seemed very lonely.

Post Date: 
I tell my friends about it.

Them:  What?  Katie, your life is not a rom com.  Ryan Reynolds is taken.  Go on a 2nd date.
Them:  Yeah, none of that sounds that bad.  You should go on a 2nd date.  Who cares if he hates people.
Me:  Shut up.  No.
Them:  Well, did you wear the bobby pin or not?

Verdict: 
Not a love connection.  There will be no 2nd Date with Bobby Pin.


*Names have been changed to protect the innocent and from now on I'm naming them as to what I was doing prior to seeing them.

Danielle and I's conversation...

Danielle:  I think I'm going to get off Facebook for a while.


Katie:  Yeah, me too.  I'm on there too much.  The newness hasn't worn off for me (account established in 2007)

Danielle:  And people are negative on there sometimes.  Yoga is teaching me a lot about the importance of positivity.

Katie: And it makes me feel bad about myself-everyone with their stupid wedding, engagement, baby updates.

Danielle:  Ok, let's do it together.  Ready?  1, 2, 3, deactivate.

Both:  Ahhh, that feels good.

3 days later...

Katie:  How's the no Facebook going?

Danielle:  Eh, I miss it.

Katie:  Me too.  I have questions I need answered.  I don't know what's going on in People Magazine.  Nobody knows I posted my Dating Update blog.

Danielle:  I haven't talked to my Mom Group in days.

1 day later...

Danielle:  So, I'm getting back on Facebook

Katie:  Me too.  Nobody even noticed we were gone.

Danielle:  My family didn't even notice.

Annnnnnnd we're back.   That was a long 4 days.

Remember that my dad signed me up for eHarmony.  You can close your mouth, I know.  If you didn't see that one, you can read it here.

Here's the update...
Nothing was happening.

I made the profile and maybe 5 people, TOTAL, e-mailed me.  FIVE.

I kept thinking how disappointed my dad would be that his $30 was swimming away in a sea of nothingness.

Fast forward to my trip to Colorado...
Tom-How's eHarmony?
Katie-It sucks.  Nobody writes me.
Tom-Well then you're doing it wrong because it's a !@#$ing DATING SITE.  It's DESIGNED to talk to other people.  We will be working on it tonight.
Katie-Hmm, well, I think that's ok but you're awfully aggressive and I'm going to need you to treat me with some kid gloves when you look at it.
Tom-Well then you better start drinking, because this is happening.

That evening he gets my computer and tells me to type in my information and then takes it back.



Tom-Well, first of all, why is your face bigger than the screen.  That would scare anyone.
Katie-I can't fix itttt (getting a little whiny).  I tried and I can't make it work.

He fixes the picture.

Then he scrolls to the next page.
Tom-Is this a joke?
Did you really write this?
Is this a Garth Brooks song?
Seriously, Katie, you better drink more because this I can't control myself.
No wonder nobody is writing you.
Why can't you just BE NORMAL?!
NORMAL, like you're being now.
Normal Katie.
I see that you're talking about soul mates again.  Awesome.

I can't remember exactly what I had written but there was a lot of words like soul-mates, The Dance, creating a family together, how I love kids, gazing into someone's eyes, etc

To make a long story short, he did a complete overhaul of my page.   The next day, eleven people wrote me.  I told Danielle and, of course, she text him and told him.  I can just see his smug smile.

He got home from work and said, "Who wrote?  Was it Ian?  Oh, we wrote him after you went to bed."

He asked me to refer to him as Cupid from now on.

I went to the gym today (blog on that to follow).  I burned a ton of calories.

I went to Trader Joe's and bought a lots of healthy food: hummus, peppers, goat cheese, lettuce

and this

and this
and this


Then I came home and prepped my food (blog on that to follow).  Did I eat my beautiful and healthy prepped food?  Nope, I ate the crap and way more than I should have of it.

Story of my life.

Super healthy.  Sabotage.  Super healthy.  Sabotage.  There's no middle ground with me.


Let's hear your brilliant advice because most of my friends act like men (myself included) have want to go right to the solutions.   ;)

"Don't buy that stuff."
"Maybe just but ONE of those things."

I KNOWWWWWWWWWWWWW.  I annoy myself and you as well I'm sure.

All right I'm telling you...yet, another, embarrassing aspect of the life that is Kathryn Ann.