4 years, 4 years today since the day I saw my mom for the very last time. What a journey it has been.

I say it every year but it's still true...4 years had flown and crept by.

It's flown by because when I'm by myself and I stop and think, I remember every detail of you.

I remember the way you got nail polish all over your toes because you told me it would just come off in the shower...and it always did :)

I remember when I was acting like a brat and you would say, "Kathryn Ann."

I remember the way you were the social committee and you loved having people over.

I remember how you had a nickname for everyone...that, really, only you used. I hated it for every second of my life, but I'd give anything to hear you call me Mooch today.

I remember your voice and how you had the best singing voice and I always wanted you to sing in the church choir.

I remember all the times you told me you loved me more than Tom...and how you always wanted to tell him he was adopted. (Ha ha...just checking...are you reading this?)

I remember it all...and it feels like yesterday...and it feel like so many years have gone by.

It's hard to believe that it's only been 4 years. I feel like a million things have happened, a million decisions have been made. So much has happened Mom.

Like...
Did you know you have 2 grandkids? TWO, Mom...and they are beyond words. I mean, we always knew they would be beautiful but they're so much more than that.

Philip is brilliant Mom. He just turned 3 and he's starting to read...READ. He's funny too. He seriously started being sarcastic when he was a baby, if that's possible. Then again, he's Tom son, so we know that's possible. And he just might have the kindest soul on the planet, just like his mom. It's almost like you can see the size of his heart through his sweet words.

Your grand daughter is breathtakingly beautiful. She has the best smile ever. And she's sassy. She's not even 1 but she already knows how to tease her brother. Hmm, does that sound familiar? God help her brother. ;)

Mom, you would be so proud of your daughter-in-law. She's the best mom, next to you, I've ever met. She bakes cookies and dances with her babies just like you did with us. She makes her kids listen and she's funny with them. She's every part of a mother you would have wanted her to be. And she remains the absolute best person we could have hoped for, for Thomas James. Stronger than you could ever hope and as kind as you always knew.

Your son...Remember all of those words of advice you would give him, the lessons you tried to teach him? He learned them all. He is all of them Mom. I should be used to it by now but every single time I see him with his kids, I have to hold the tears back. Best, most focused and kind-hearted dad in the world. He learned that from you.

Do you know that Dad is ok? I mean, with a minor stop over at someone who was the polar opposite of you and nobody you would have ever approved of, his decisions have been good. He's such a good grandpa and remains an incredible dad, the dad you shaped him to be.

Do you know I don't talk to Grandpa as much as I should?

Do you know that after you died, the people you loved picked up each one of us, put us under their wings and haven't let go?

Do you know I get so jealous of people who have moms?

Do you know that nobody ever tells Tom, "Wow, you used to do that too!" Moms remember everything about their kids and you were so good at telling us those stories about our childhood. We miss it.

Do you know that sometimes when I see the people you were closest to, I still have to remind myself not to cry?

Do you know that things are so much easier than they were 3 1/2 years ago?

Do you know that sometimes, at the most random times, my heart aches so bad and the only thing that could make it better would be a hug from you?

Life is so different without you. It really was the end of an era Mom. I miss the way things used to be. I miss the big, big gatherings with lots of family. I miss the way I could look at you across the room and we'd know what the other was thinking.

And at the same time...life is good. We're moving forward, one leg at a time and I am certain that you know that. I know you're still around, more than I even know...helping to guide our decisions and reminding us to, "Use good judgement."

Mostly sunny days with a few clouds Mama.

Your family is all right.

And we hope the view from the top is every bit as amazing as you taught us it would be.