The crib sheets are washed in the most delicate soap.  The pack-n-play is set up-with each piece neatly in place.  There is room for baby with all extra stuff off to the donation center.  The floors have been waxed in anticipation of not having time for that later.  The car seat is installed to keep precious cargo safe.  Blankets and clothes and diapers in many sizes have been folded and put away with so much love...

and the baby came early
and she seems healthy
and looks beautiful

and she is headed off to her wonderful forever family,
which will not be with me.

The answer to every question you're asking is, "Yes."

Yes I'm heartbroken.
Yes I am grieving a child I never had.
Yes I'm embarrassed.
Yes I'm learning that this is foster care.
Yes I will stand back up.
Yes I'm going to keep going.
Yes I will get my baby someday soon.
Yes I will continue to be all in.