I haven't posted a blog in over a month.
That doesn't mean I haven't written a blog.
I have written about 7...all still in the Draft folder because sometimes I get a little too honest on here and then I just don't feel like I should post it.

Like, should I tell you that my dad is getting married?
Yep, married again, to a woman who is fantastic.

She's so wonderful to me and our whole family.  She asks about us.  She remembers details.  She welcomes us into her home.  She's great.

And I'm so happy for my dad.  I'm so happy that he's found someone to share the rest of his life with.  I'm so secure in knowing that he has someone to lean on forever.

And somehow his getting remarried makes my mom feel more dead.
Gasp, did she just write that?
She just wrote that.



I knew she wasn't ever coming back.
I know that.
I don't wake up surprised that she's gone anymore.

I rarely accidentally pick up the phone to call her.
It's not nearly as often that I have some slip,
Where I speak of her in the present tense as if I saw her yesterday.

But somehow, now, it feels more real.
She feels more distant to me than ever.
We don't really talk about her anymore.

I'm starting to forget the way her voice sounded.
I can't remember how it felt to hug her,
What she smelled like.

There are ways to make her memories race back like a flood.
Favorite songs hooked to so many deep rooted memories.
Old letters written just the way she talked.
Old stories told just the way I remember them.

Delighted and Distant in Phoenix.
Cheers to a new and beautiful union
Here's to safety, security and a lifetime of love
to my father and a wonderful, wonderful woman


And a reminder to me that Mom is no more "gone" than she was yesterday
or two years ago
or five years ago.

Gone is such a relative term anyone.
She can be as close and I want or need, right?